Just one more Night
by WaitingForTheStars
Summary: Sometimes fate has its tricky ways of teaching you. Deep down inside of it all, it only makes you stronger, right? Let's just hope fate doesn't get carriend away this time...(RxK)(SxK) FINISHED
1. A Friendly Face

Disclaimer:  
  
Loki- Evil disclaimers must die!!! Chad?  
  
Chad- Loki does not own the characters in this story. Square soft does! But Loki owns me, and that's what matters!  
  
Loki- Good job Chad! ON WIT DA FIC!!!  
  
(Don't sue me!)  
  
*******  
  
I yawned and rested my head in my hands. It was Monday morning and I had stayed up half the night talking to Selphie on the phone. What a mistake that was. My teacher, Mr. Montimiya, was yacking on to my homeroom about "why it's bad to write on bathroom walls". This was not how I wanted today to begin. I hoped PE (My first period class) would be better.  
  
Why I convinced myself to think that is beyond me. I walked down the crowded hallway to the gymnasium. I felt something whack my shoulder and I whipped around, ready to curse them. But I stopped as soon as I saw those blue eyes staring down on me.  
  
-Oh, hi Sora. I let out a small smile; you can't look at his face and not smile.  
  
-Hey Kairi, guess what, my first period is PE. How bout you? Oh yes. did I mention that it was also my first day of high school?  
  
-No kidding? Me too. I smiled again; today wasn't going to be so bad after all. At least my best friend was in one of my classes.  
  
Sora and I continued our trip to the gym. This room was one of the few rooms in the building that I knew how to locate. I mean, come on, it's only the biggest room in the school. Once we got there, we sat with a group of freshman/sophomores who were sitting, also, on the bottom of a row of bleachers. Apparently we had been the last ones to arrive because once we sat down the teacher began to talk.  
  
-Hello and welcome, again, to high school. This guy did not instantly appeal to me; his voice was too peppy. I supposed he was probably a cheerleader in his youth years. It kind of reminded me of the girls in my grade. -This is PE, your first period. You will be seeing me every other morning for the rest of this year, so get used to it. When you first come in go directly to the locker rooms to change. The girls' locker room is over there. He points to his right. -And the boys is over there. He points to his left. There is now a long pause in which everyone just stares at him.  
  
-I am Mr. G, short for Ghallemego. Ah. Any questions? Sora raises his hand. -You! He says pointing to him.  
  
-Well, I was just wondering if this class is crucial to our lives. What will happen if someone were to fail? I laughed, he was so blank.  
  
-I suppose then you'd take the class over again.  
  
-What if you failed the second time?  
  
-No one will fail. Okay now, anymore questions? Sora, again, raises his hand. Mr. G points to him and nods.  
  
-How many credits do we get for this class?  
  
-One,  
  
-So. could it kind of count as a science credit. Because you are kind of learning how your body works. and stuff. I laughed again and I could tell some others did as well.  
  
-No, this class will not count as a science credit. It will count as an elective.  
  
-But electives are what you choose, right? And no one chooses to take PE. Mr. G sighed.  
  
-Just never-mind it boy, is there any real questions? No one raises their hand. -Okay, good. Now everyone go find an activity until the period is over. Tomorrow remember to bring some gym clothes! Everyone stood up and began to reunite with friends that they hadn't seen all summer. A group of freshman took out some basketballs and began to play a game of basketball. Sora and me stood and watched. I figured I needed a break to just sit, I wanted jr. high back so badly. Suddenly I noticed Riku approaching. I hadn't noticed he was in this class.  
  
-Hey Riku! Sora exclaimed happy, as I was, to se a friendly face.  
  
-So guys, how's the first day going so far? Riku questioned with a bit of an edge in his voice. He seemed rather happy.  
  
-It's okay, I replied. Even though it really sucked so far, I didn't need him to know that.  
  
-Well that's good. If you need any help, just find me.  
  
-Oh Riku, just because you're a sophomore doesn't entitle you to treat us like dirt, Sora said. He was treating us like dirt? Maybe Sora was just feeling irritated because of how Mr. G treated him. Riku apparently noticed this and held back on the insults.  
  
-So, what do you have next? Riku asked as he sat down next to me. I pulled my schedule out of my pocket and tried to un-crinkle it.  
  
-Earth Science, I replied with less enthusiasm in my voice then a child who just lost his new red balloon in an updraft.  
  
-So do I! Both Riku and Sora exclaimed at the same time. Oh this made me light up.  
  
-Really!? I exclaimed, maybe I had heard them wrong. They both nodded and my smile spread even wider. Maybe today wasn't going to be that bad after all. I mean, so far, the three of us were together. I sighed happily and relaxed a little. I noticed a bouncy figure jump up to me and I strained my neck to look at her. Oh god, it was Selphie. She looked really pissed off. Yeah, I did talk to her on the phone last night; I also hung up on her when she was in the middle of describing her "first day" outfit.  
  
-Kairi. I am very mad at you! Selphie yelled as she placed her hands on her hips and looked down, shoving her large head right into my face.  
  
-My phone ran out of batteries Selph. I'm sorry!" I tried to cover it up. She let out a long sigh and sat down next to Sora. Man, the group was really all here. Now we just needed Tidus. But, of course, that word was a swear in Selphie's ears. You see, Tidus went away to prep school and Selphie is very depressed.  
  
-What do you have after ES (Earth Science)? Sora questioned as he slipped his hands behind his head and reclined a bit.  
  
-French, I said. This was okay, I liked French.  
  
-French! Sora exclaimed almost jumping into the air. -I thought we had agreed on German!?!?! My eyes went wide. Seriously, why would I take German?  
  
-Noooo.? I said praying that he was just kidding.  
  
-Holy crap!!! I have to go! Sora then shot up and ran to the door cursing mildly under his breath.  
  
-Hmmm. That's okay, I have French too, Riku smiled. I smiled back.  
  
-At least one of you listened.  
  
-Well, of course I took French. The language of love, ahhh, how could I resist? Selphie looked up dreamily to the ceiling. -Of course, I have that at the end of the day. I nodded slowly and looked down at my feet.  
  
-Oh well, that's too bad, I lied and frowned, to try and make it sound sincere.  
  
-Then we all have break. ah, then I have, I stopped mid sentence, dreading to say the word written in the period four slot. Riku eyed me and my sweat dropped. -Algebra, I said slightly under my breath.  
  
-Hmmm. Riku sighed with me. He was obviously better at math than me and had geometry that period.  
  
-I'm sure Sora will have Algebra with me. We were both in the same class last year. I said trying to lighten up my spirits. Of course this only made Riku's spirits soar dramatically downhill.  
  
-Yeah, Riku agreed sadly. I frowned; I didn't like it when Riku was sad. Sure he looked irresistibly adorable when he had a pouting face on, but it still made me want to cry. Suddenly the sound of doors crashing open caused everyone in the room to look towards the opposite wall. Sora came running in, obviously out of breath and seriously angry. He marched over to us and sat down next to me again.  
  
-Tried to transfer to French? I questioned sympathetically.  
  
-And they wouldn't let me!!! Sora exclaimed, his face turning bright red with anger. -Ugh! I hate them!!!  
  
-Oh Sora, calm down. It's only one class, I tried to comfort. -I'm sure we'll see each other a lot more.  
  
-No, I wanted everything to be perfect! We were supposed to have every class together. I ruined it! I could tell Sora was having one of those "guy PMS" moments so I decided to choose my words very carefully.  
  
-Sora. It's okay. It was all of our faults; we didn't make it clear. I'm sorry. Sora smiled. I was glad I had said the right thing or Sora would have probably blamed Riku some how and they would have gotten in another one of their "boyish" fistfights.  
  
All four of us sighed. The bell rang and the whole room retreated to the two large doors in the corner.  
  
-Remember! Gym clothes! Mr. G shouted as half the class had already left.  
  
Riku led the way to the Earth Science room. It was on the second floor and I hadn't yet been up there. Also, there weren't as many kids in this hallway because there weren't as many student's on this side of the school. My locker was somewhere down here I figured. I hadn't gone to it yet, but Mr. Montimiya said I had locker number 666 (a good sign that me life at high school was going to be "hell", literally). We passed by lockers that read in the high 500's. Riku turned into a classroom as Sora and I followed. Selphie had gone on to an 'introductory to cooking' class. We sat down in three totally random desks, Sora sitting in the front, followed by me, with Riku sitting behind me. This really wasn't very desired seeing as Sora's 'bush' (also known as his hair) was in my way entirely. Luckily we were sitting in the far left side of the classroom, so we didn't have to look straight ahead to see the teacher, but to our right. We later found out that out teacher's name was Mrs. Costello. And I can tell you; if I had anymore 'all-nighters' with Selphie this class would make a good 'nap time'.  
  
Next Riku and I were off to French. It took a few minutes to drop Sora off in the German room; he couldn't 'let go'. Upon entering I felt eerily happy. I liked this room it was. pretty. I don't know, it was so bizarre. The large, floor-to-ceiling windows over-looked the ocean. There was also a balcony. Of course I was pretty sure that it had never been used before. The lighting was good and the ceiling was high. I felt like I could breath.  
  
I sat down next to Riku at one of the two-person tables. At every table it seemed to be two girls or two boys. It almost made me laugh because it seemed like elementary school again, how the boys and girls would separate form each other. Our teacher's name was Mr. Genest. He carried around a green fly swapper and pocketknife. I was a little concerned.  
  
Finally it was a thirty-minute break and I wanted to find Sora to see if he survived or not. I dragged Riku down the hall to the German room and waited outside the door. I couldn't get the thought of the French teacher off of my mind. He was frightening, and he kept talking about how he drowned cats. Again, I was just a tad concerned.  
  
-Did that Mr. Genest guy scare you as much as he scared me, Riku questioned as small groups of people began to emerge from the classroom.  
  
-Yes. I believe he did, I replied. It was funny how we were always thinking the same thing. I smiled and leaned back against the wall as Sora appeared from the doorway.  
  
-Gutentag! Riku exclaimed as Sora gave him a nasty glare.  
  
-Oh, come on guys, let's um. Go find my locker?! I tried making light of the situation and led the two boys down the hallway.  
  
-666. I mumbled under my breath as I slowly approached 665.  
  
-I'm 675, said Sora as he walked ahead of me. I frowned when I looked at my locker. It was level with my eyes and not too high up, like they normally are for short people like myself.  
  
-Sign of the devil. Riku sighed as he noticed I wasn't about to say anything. Form the distance I could hear Sora opening his locker and shoving some books in just as they fell out on top of him, knocking him to the ground. I giggled lightly.  
  
-Yep, I replied to Riku. I heard Sora curse and I turned around to help him up.  
  
-Well, you know, it's break. So why don't we go to the café and get something to eat, Riku suggested. I could use something to drink.  
  
-Yea, that sounds good, you coming Sora? I questioned as Riku tried heaving me off. Sora was standing looking into his locker. He looked like a sad statue. -Sora? I questioned again and walked over to him.  
  
-Oh, yeah. I'm coming, he said as he closed his door and gave me a fake smile. I frowned more and followed as Riku led us off to the cafeteria.  
  
After we had a quick bite to eat Riku walked Sora and me to room 6, Algebra. Our teacher's name is Doc. Proulx. She seemed nice for the most part. At least she did today.  
  
Next we had lunch. I had lunch with Riku and Selphie outside. The cafeteria extended outside and that's where most of us ate. This was a rather pleasant time, talking about our classes and teachers.  
  
After lunch Sora and I went off to creative writing. We both decided on this class because Sora (as he stated) wasn't very good at 'art'. I didn't doubt him. Our creative writing teacher, Mrs. Makiya, was very nice. She reminded me of Sora's mom and I'm sure she reminded him of her too because through out the period Sora had that look on his face. The look he only gets when his mom talks to him. Mrs. Makiya also had a thing where she called everyone by 'honey', or 'sweetie'. It was kind of cute.  
  
While Sora and I were in creative writing, Riku was taking wood shop. Next all four of us had. luckily enough. sex ed. Riku hadn't taken it last year because it was only offered to sophomores. This year though the school changed it to freshman so the new freshman class and sophomore class was taking it. We found great luck in having it all at the same time, in the same room. Joy. After 'sex ed', with Ms. Leibson. The three of us, again, had study all together. Study was held in the cafeteria and you could go outside if you wanted too. We all decided to go outside and wait for the day to end. We sat down in a nice spot on the grass and looked out over the ocean. The school was located halfway up a cliff so there was no possible way anyone would escape by jumping into the water. For one, it was nearly twenty feet down and you would find yourself atop five foot, jagged rocks that protruded out of the, as well, twenty-foot deep water. If the rocks don't kill you the powerful current would easily drown you.  
  
-I want to go back to jr. high, I stated solemnly, more to myself then anyone else.  
  
-I second that, Sora sighed. I looked at him. I figured his day was even worse than mine was. It looked like he was about to cry.  
  
-It's okay you guys, it will get better. Try being the new guy and not having you two here with me. I suppose I wouldn't much like that either.  
  
-At least we're all together again; I sighed trying to lift their spirits. They just sighed in return and there was nothing I could do. We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the presence of each other's company. Later the bell rang for dismissal and we all walked home. On the way we ran into Selphie. She had taken an extra class (something artsy) and was sorry that she couldn't have Study with us. She seemed really excited about the high school. She had made a bunch of Junior 'guy' friends and she was meeting them later so she headed off.  
  
Sora, Riku, and I headed down to the beach. None of us had homework so we decided to let the afternoon fade away. We didn't really have hobbies, we just kind of ran around all day doing nothing. Of course this summer we hadn't seen a lot of each other. My mom sent me off to camp with Selphie and I had only gotten back a few days ago. It was quite a shock, actually, when I first saw Sora and Riku upon the day of my return. It didn't seen very possible but Sora is now almost as tall as he is. Sadly I have done nothing but grow 'wider'. Not fat, but hips. and things. you know. I could tell they were a little bit surprised as well. I began to giggle at the memory and Sora and Riku turned their sunburnt faces to me.  
  
-What's gotten you so giddy all of a sudden? Riku questioned. Sora nodded on repulse and it a smile. One of the few real smiles I had seen all day.  
  
-Nothing, I sighed. I looked out across the horizon. - I'm just lucky, that's all, to have friends like you guys. Riku and Sora smiled at me and agreed. It was a perfect ending to a not-so-perfect day.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) Bonjour my little single-celled organisms! So what did you think?!?! If I get enough Reviews, I'll add the next chapter!!! But if you hate it, I won't, so don't you worry! Oh yes. and if I spell the German words wrong. it's not my fault! So don't sue me!!! Have fun wit life ^_^ ~Loki (W4TS) 


	2. Unspoken

(A/N)This chapter is pathetically sad, have fun! ^_^  
  
*******  
  
The first few days whizzed by so fast that I found myself ready for Tuesday morning when it was really Friday. I got to school a little early and waited for Sora and Riku at the entrance. The bell rang just as they came hurdling up the steps, out of breath like usual.  
  
-What took you two so long? I questioned as we each traipsed on into the building.  
  
-Why don't you ask Mr. "My hair has to be perfect before I leave"; he was the one who made us late, Sora exclaimed. I smiled; Riku was obsessively anal, especially when it came to his appearance.  
  
-At least I don't look like I just woke up; Riku snorted and glared over at Sora. Sora glared back.  
  
-You guys, lighten up. You've been particularly competitive these past couple of days. It was true, they were constantly picking on each other and fighting over who was going to sit next to me. It was silly, all of their fighting, I wasn't even that great.  
  
The three of us walked into the Gym and headed our separate ways to the locker rooms. I met up with Selphie who was already in the middle of changing.  
  
-Hey Selph, I managed to mumble as I opened up my gym locker, pulling out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.  
  
-Hi Kairi, I've been waiting for you. I need to ask you a question about yesterday's French assignment. Said Selphie as she gracefully spun around and sat down on the bench next to me.  
  
-Go ahead, I sighed as I pulled my shirt on over my head and closed my locker, sitting down next to her.  
  
-What does Au Revoir mean again? Selphie pronounced it like (Oh-Reeve-ore) I laughed in spite of her bad accent.  
  
-Good bye, I said as I stood up and headed toward the door.  
  
-Wait Kairi, you didn't answer my question! Se said as she shot up and fled to me before I had a chance to leave.  
  
-No, 'Au Revoir' means 'good bye', I exclaimed as she nodded and we stepped out into the gym. I went to go sit in between Sora and Riku (There was always an open space between them) and Selphie took her seat on the opposite side of Riku. Mr. G approached the class, explaining today's activity.  
  
-Everyone pick a partner, today we are doing 'stations'! Mr. G exclaimed in that annoying peppy way of his. I froze, praying that Selphie would ask me before Riku and Sora broke into a fight about it. Luckily Mr. G continued talking before anyone said anything. -Pick a partner, pick a station and do the activity there for five minutes until I blow my whistle and move onto the next station. It was pretty straightforward, I suppose. I looked over to Sora and he grinned down at me. I gave him an exasperated look. Everyone paired up and headed off to a station.  
  
-Will you be my partner Kairi? Sora questioned, I prayed for Riku not to say anything.  
  
-Oka. I began but was interrupted by Riku.  
  
-No, Kairi's my partner! Riku exclaimed with so much anticipation it almost frightened me. Oh, here it goes.  
  
-Kairi was your partner during tennis last time! Sora shouted back. This was true.  
  
-He's right, I said hoping that that would do it.  
  
-But Sora was your partner yesterday in Science, Riku added. This was also true. AGH! Why must they torture me like this?  
  
-But I asked first! Sora exclaimed. Now they were getting on my last nerve.  
  
-Look you guys, how about I just go with Selphie? I questioned as I began standing up. I could hear their disappointed sighs.  
  
-Wait! I know, If I can be your partner today then Riku can be your partner in science today, besides, you two both have French together, said Sora, he was apparently very eager.  
  
-You two have Algebra and Creative writing together, Riku wavered. -You are with her, like, all day! I fell silent, not in the mood to argue right now. I saw Mr. G approaching and quickly looked up.  
  
-Do you 1st graders need some help deciding partners? He said it in this really annoying mock-baby accent. We all shook our heads no. -Alright, Sora, you're with Kairi, that leaves you Riku with Selphie now go to the last unoccupied stations people! Mr. G exclaimed as we all got up and walked away. Judging by the look on Sora's face, he was quite pleased. I felt bad for Riku; again, I didn't like seeing him depressed. Of course now he had more of an angry-annoyed look on his face.  
  
I followed Sora over to the "soccer dribbling" station. This was obviously not one of my fortes. Sora seemed pretty excited though.  
  
-You can go first, I said, in no hurry to begin. He smiled as I threw him the soccer ball and sat down on a nearby folding chair.  
  
-Okay, watch me. He said as he began dribbling the ball with his feet in and around the strategically placed cones.  
  
I tried to stay focused on Sora, but my gaze aimlessly drifted off in Riku's direction. I watched as he showed Selphie how to throw a basketball at the wall and catch it as it bounced back to you.  
  
Riku effortlessly tossed the ball at the wall and it smoothly lunged back into his hands after bouncing off the floor once. Now Selphie tried, she underhandedly threw the ball into the air; it fell back to the ground, not going anywhere.  
  
Riku sighed loudly and I noticed his eyes shift over in my direction and I horridly threw my gaze back at Sora. He was trying to get my attention.  
  
-Kairi, Kairi! He shouted.  
  
-What? I questioned in a more aggressive tone than I had originally intended.  
  
-Catch, he finished as he launched the ball into the air with his left foot. I caught it with both my hands and gently set it on the ground in front of me.  
  
-Sorry, I didn't mean to hit it that hard, he apologized. I nodded slowly and messily swung my feet around the soccer ball and attempted to get it by the first cone. Failing greatly as I knocked it to the ground. I sighed and picked the cone back up. I tried for the next cone and kicked it too hard, launching it to the fourth cone. Man I suck!  
  
-You're doing great Kairi! Sora shouted with a large smile on his face. I can't believe he actually meant that. I felt like falling down and dying, I was so humiliated. I could feel Sora's sharp gaze on me, not that this was a bad thing, I'd just prefer him not watching me make a complete fool of myself.  
  
Luckily, I didn't get a chance to finish because Mr. G blew his whistle, signaling that it was time to move onto the next station. Station #2, 'Jog walk', what fun.  
  
-Do you want to walk, or jog? Sora questioned though I knew he knew the answer.  
  
-Walk, I said dully as I began to walk around the gym with Sora at my side. -But you can jog if you want to. Sora hated to take things slow; I knew that.  
  
-No, whatever you do, I'll follow. He smiled. I couldn't help but smile back, that was kind of sweet, I think.  
  
We passed Riku and Selphie on the way; they were at the 'jump rope' station now.  
  
-Hi, Sora grinned sheepishly as we passed. Riku glared at him just as he 'accidentally' hit Selphie in the back of her head with his jump rope.  
  
-God Riku, that hurt! Selphie exclaimed, rubbing feverishly at her skull.  
  
-Sorry, I suppose something was distracting me. Riku sneered. I sighed, if only he didn't take everything so personally. I'd be both his and Sora's partner if I had that chance.  
  
Thankfully PE was over before I knew it and we were off to Earth Science with Mrs. Costello. We were doing some kind of 'rock' experiment today, and I did promise Riku that I would be his partner. The only thing was, we didn't get to choose. Bless you Mrs. Costello! I was partnered up with Chad (I had known him since I ended up here, on this Island, he was very well known), and Riku and Sora were together. This would have usually been a good thing, but lately, they have done nothing but argue. I prayed they wouldn't blow anything up. Of course, we were working with rocks, how do you blow something up when you're not working with combustible material. Well, I'm sure they could find a way.  
  
I constantly heard their voices rise up with anger throughout the whole period, thank god they'd be separated next period.  
  
I tried to concentrate on my own experiment. Chad helped, he was constantly chattering on about something or other, and he kind of reminded me of Sora, only with blonde hair and green eyes.  
  
-So Kairi, Have you heard that there's going to be a dance in two weeks? Chad randomly questioned.  
  
-No, I stated honestly. I remember jr. high dances, they were always fun.  
  
-So, do you think you're going to go? He questioned. -It's supposed to be the homecoming dance, I think. The football season is ending early this year. Chad added. We never even had semi-formal dances in jr. high; but this was a formal dance, wasn't it?  
  
-I guess I'll. I stopped in mid sentence. No, no no no no no! Formal dances = date. date = big decision (Sora/Riku). This would not be fun! I sighed. -I don't know, I have to think about it, I said. Let's just hope Riku and Sora don't find out about it, at least not today, I can't handle one more disagreement. Curse the school system!  
  
-Okay, cool, I think I want to ask Selphie to go with me. You're her friend right? She's seemed pretty upset about Tidus lately. I nodded, this was true.  
  
-I'm sure Selphie would love to go with you, I replied. Chad smiled.  
  
Hmmm. I couldn't wait for today to be over, I needed the weekend. Maybe Sora and Riku won't be so competitive tomorrow, I mean, there's no school we can just hang out the whole day, just like old times. This thought made me smile; I liked the old times.  
  
The bell rang and I was out of the classroom before anyone. I didn't wait for Sora or Riku and simply headed straight to the French room.  
  
-Bonjour Kairi, said Mr. Genest as I headed into the classroom.  
  
-Bonjour, I replied dully, as I took my seat by the window.  
  
-Oh, nobody talk to Kairi today, she's in a bad mood! Mr. Genest announced to the class. I buried my head into my arms. Riku walked in and took a seat next to me. He looked very steamed, I decided not to mention the fact that he had mineral grains in his hair. I figured he was well aware of this.  
  
-Hey Riku, I said trying to break the awkward silence. People were still coming in and I didn't feel like sitting in silence until Mr. Genest began preaching to the class about how the nuns used to discipline them with a steel ruler.  
  
-Hey, he replied noticeably trying to sound relaxed, though he greatly failed at his attempt. I sighed and turned around to face the front of the class. I fell silent the whole period, not saying a word to Riku, or hearing a word from him.  
  
Finally it was break, I wanted to get away from Sora and Riku, but I knew that there was no avoiding them. We all sat at a table in the cafeteria.  
  
-Do you want something to eat? Sora questioned as he took out a five-dollar bill.  
  
-No thank you, I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to eat; I wanted to fall asleep, really. He frowned and put the money back in his pocket. I put my arms on the table and rested my head on top of them and closed my eyes.  
  
-I could get you some coffee or something, Riku suggested. Did he not just hear what I said? I shook my head slightly, was it that obvious that I was tired? Well. I suppose it was. I quickly nodded my head in return.  
  
-I just asked you if you wanted anything! Sora exclaimed. Oh jeez, what have I done? -Well, if you prefer Riku to get something for you, just tell me.  
  
-Sora, I wasn't thinking. I mumbled lifting up my head and looking at his pleading stare.  
  
-How about I just go get it myself. I said taking some money out of my pocket.  
  
-No, I'll get it for you! Riku insisted.  
  
-I'm getting up anyway, I can do it! Sora shouted.  
  
-Okay! Just forget it! I exclaimed, I couldn't hold it in any longer. -You guys have been acting like a bunch of 3-year-olds! You don't have to be my slaves! And my goodness, stop fighting over me! Am I really that great? No! You are old enough to take turns without getting into a fistfight, so just act your age for once! I'm going to go get some coffee and go outside for the rest of the period, I'm sure you two can live without me for 20 minutes. And try not to kill each other while I'm gone, I'm sick of being your babysitter! I exclaimed, by now the whole lunchroom was staring at me. Sora and Riku had equally surprised looks plastered on their faces. I stood there for a second to let it sink in, walked away to get a cup of coffee and headed outside.  
  
Finally, I was alone. I sighed deeply as I took a long sip from my Styrofoam cup, trying not to burn my tongue. The cool breeze felt warm on my bare arms. I was getting a headache, but the calming sea made the constant ringing in my ear settle a little bit. I was glad Sora and Riku had stayed inside. I didn't want to face them, I guess I was a little 'harsh'. Ugh, I can never say anything right!  
  
I was disappointed when the bell rang. I headed off to algebra meeting disapproving stares in the hallway. I didn't run into Riku, or Sora, in the hallway and when I got into the classroom, it was half-empty. I took my seat at the front of the class and waited for Sora to walk in. When he did, he sat behind me in silence. He had an emotionless look on his face, it was kind of sad. I turned around to face him; usually he was non-stop talking.  
  
-Sora, I'm sorry, I said lightly. He didn't say anything right away; he didn't look at me.  
  
-No, I'm sorry for being such a jerk. Really, you're right, I have been acting like a 3-year-old lately. I smiled, I was glad he understood and wasn't extremely angry with me.  
  
-I didn't mean to yell at you, I guess I'm just having a bad day. I sighed. He nodded.  
  
-Me too. I smiled lightly and turned back around. Well, all went well with Sora, let's just hope he wasn't faking it. I was also afraid that Riku hadn't taken it as well.  
  
Algebra went by as slow as ever, but finally it was 12:00, time for lunch. I was eager to find Riku to apologize to him as well. At lunch, it was quite a change; I sat next to Selphie with Sora and Riku on the opposite side of the table. I know they were only doing what I told them to, give me space, but I felt kind of lonely. What was wrong with me?  
  
The four of us sat in an awkward silence after getting our lunches. It was an unsettling silence, like I had done something wrong. I seriously didn't mean to hurt their feelings.  
  
-Someone say something, said Selphie, concerned for all of us. She obviously had not witnessed what had happened during break. And none of us wanted to relive it for her. She looked around at me. -Is something up with you three, you're usually talking non-stop. Did you get into a fight? She questioned. I shook my head.  
  
-Kairi needs space. Said Riku in a strange, 'angry-but-not-angry' kind of tone. I stared at him.  
  
-No, I ah. This wasn't fair, what had I done!? It seemed like he was blaming me, like I did something wrong. Riku and Sora looked at me like I was crazy. They didn't understand, did they?  
  
-Then what is it Kairi? Riku questioned. The tone of his voice scared me. I almost began to sweat.  
  
-I just want you two to stop fighting. I ah, was getting tired of it. You're supposed to be best friends! I exclaimed. These were not the words I was hoping for.  
  
Riku raised an eyebrow and Sora tried to stay out of it, covering up his anger by eating.  
  
I looked to Sora for help. He had understood, hadn't he? I glared at him, but he wouldn't look up from his meal.  
  
-Don't ask me, I'm just a 3-year-old. Said Sora through bites. That stung. I found myself speechless, sitting there staring at him.  
  
-I thought. But we just! I was stumbling over words, I was so confused. There was only one way to solve this. -I'm sorry I said anything at all! I exclaimed, took my tray, and stormed off. I threw out my lunch and headed to the bathroom. I could hear Selphie following me and just as I closed the door behind me Selphie swung it open.  
  
-What is it Kairi? She questioned as I began crying. There was seriously something wrong with me today.  
  
I leaned up against the wall and buried my face in my hands as I slowly sunk down to the tiled floor. Selphie rested her hand on my shoulder and sat down next to me.  
  
-Kairi, what's up? She asked. I didn't want to tell her, I just wanted to. tell her.  
  
-Sora and Riku have been acting. They've been getting on my nerves with their constant arguing. I-I told them. I paused letting out a few short sobs. -I told them how I felt, and to leave me alone for the rest of break. They obviously took it the wrong way. After hearing myself say it, it sounded really stupid. Selphie sighed, she probably agreed. I had to fix all this; it was my problem, not theirs. I should be flattered that they fight over my attention. -I know Selph, I'm acting stupid.  
  
-No Kairi, no. She sighed and I looked at her. Of course I was being stupid. -What would anyone do in your position? Riku and Sora don't know how to handle their feelings.  
  
-Feelings? I questioned, what feelings?  
  
-They like you Kairi, love you if anything. I feel silent. They didn't love me, a crush maybe, but no, We were best friends.  
  
-They don't. Selphie nodded. It was all clear now, why didn't I see it before. I thought they were just fighting over me for the sake of arguing I really did have a problem. Of course I loved them too, but in the same way? I was too confused to think about it right now. Curse my meager, teenage, problems. I rubbed my brow feverishly.  
  
-I love them too, I said. -But, Ugh, I donno! What's wrong with me Selph? I want to get away from them. I told them to give me space, they are. But I want them now, more than ever. Both of them. I can't choose!  
  
-You don't have to choose, there may be a simpler solution. I looked up, what the hell was she talking about?  
  
-What do you mean? I questioned lightly. -If they both love me and I love both of them equally. then.?  
  
-That's just it! Maybe you don't love both of them equally, maybe you haven't looked deep enough to find it, but maybe you love them in different ways. Selphie suggested. She lost me completely; there were different ways to love?  
  
-Or maybe I just don't love them. no, this was not true, of course I loved them, I just needed to prevent Selphie from confusing me anymore. This conversation was over! -Chad wants to ask you to the homecoming dance in two weeks. I blurted out. Where the hell did that come from? Selphie looked perplexed, she was just as confused with that last statement as I was.  
  
-.Really? She questioned. I nodded; at least we were off my subject. -That's. WONDERFUL! She exclaimed as she shot up and leaned against the wall. I slowly stood up as well. -Oh Kairi! This will be a blast! We can go shopping for dresses together! And, and, and, we can get ready together. AND EVEN CARPOOL! Oh, I'm sooo excited! We can go this weekend! Tomorrow! Shopping for dresses that is. Wee! I can't wait! I backed away a little, not wanting to get whacked in the face with one of Selphie's out-of-control arms.  
  
-Has anyone asked you yet? Selphie questioned, obviously too excited about the dance to remember what we had previously been talking about. I shook my head. -Oh, don't worry Kairi, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, he he he. Um, Selphie fell silent, becoming aware of the mental message I was sending her. -Oh! I'm sorry Kai! I promise, I'm sure they don't know about it yet. Selphie tried to comfort.  
  
-And let's hope they never do, I mumbled.  
  
-Oh, come on, it won't be that bad. Worse comes to worse, you end up going alone, and it's not that bad, all three of you will go alone. You'll be together as friends once you're there though. It will work out fine, trust me.  
  
I sighed, the last time I trusted Selphie; I ended up in the hospital for a day. -I suppose you're right. I turned and looked in the mirror next to me. I whipped the tears from my face straightened out my hair.  
  
I headed to the door as Selphie followed.  
  
-So you'll go? Selphie questioned. I sighed and nodded my head. -Yay! Kairi you don't know how much this means to me!  
  
When we got out of the bathroom, the cafeteria was just as we had left it, though Riku and Sora had left. I figured they were too mad at me to eat. I was feeling better now and ready for a full-on apology, though I still don't quite understand what I did wrong. Selphie and I headed to the second floor to go to my locker. I froze when I noticed Sora standing at his. He hadn't seen me, and I didn't want to run into him right now. I was scared. but why? I snapped out of it and continued to my locker. I kept going a few feet and stood facing Sora's side, staring up at his face. He was looking into his locker and I could tell that he knew I was there.  
  
-I thought everything was okay, I said lightly, not wanting to get into another fight. I could feel Selphie slowly drift away, she couldn't stand another yelling-fest just as I couldn't. Sora closed his eyes and stopped moving. He was either trying to choose his words very carefully, or trying to disappear. -I'm sorry if I hurt you, just please try to understand that I suck at doing things at the spur of the moment. I'm not good at making decisions, I can never seem to do anything right and somehow, no matter how hard I try, someone always seems to get hurt. I'm sorry if I hurt you Sora, I didn't mean to. I just want us all to be friends.  
  
-Is that all you want? Sora questioned turning his head around and looking directly into my eyes. I shuddered slightly; his stare was so blank.  
  
I thought about the question for a moment, what did he mean? I nodded. -Yes Sora, that's all I want. He nodded in return and continued putting his stuff into his locker. I sighed; this was not what I was hoping for.  
  
-Sora? I questioned, what was wrong with him? He turned to me again.  
  
-I can't do this Kairi! I can't just sit back and be your friend when I need to be more than that! Sora exclaimed. It sounded almost selfish.  
  
-Why? I shot back.  
  
-Because you're more than that to me. He mumbled. Oh god, Selphie was right. I froze. He looked at me for a second and then headed off, slamming the door to his locker behind him just as the bell rang.  
  
Creative Writing was living hell today; Mrs. Makiya put us in groups of four. Just guess who was in my group? Yeah, well Sora was one of them. Chad was in my group, I hadn't even noticed he was in this class till right now. Loki Dufresne was also in my group. We sat in a circle on the rug in the corner. Sora and I, sitting opposite each other, avoiding eye contact as best we could.  
  
-Okay! Loki began. We each had our binders open to a blank page. -So we're supposed to be writing a story, right?  
  
-Well duh, what else would we be doing, it's creative writing! Chad exclaimed.  
  
-Oh shut up, Loki replied. -So what are we supposed to be writing about? Loki asked, she obviously wasn't paying attention to Mrs. Makiya when she explained it.  
  
-We. I said at the same time Sora did. My face turned red and I stopped talking. I could feel him staring at me.  
  
He sighed. -We're writing a random paragraph about anything we want. Sora finished. Loki nodded. Why we had to be split into groups was beyond me.  
  
Everyone fell silent and began to write. I looked out the window next to me. I could see the beach far below, the gentle waves crashing against the sand. What do I like? I know what I don't like. I like the beach, I like the sun, I like. Sora and Riku. I sighed, it was a start. I put my pencil to my paper and began jotting down line after line. When I was done I added in a bunch of clever adjectives to make it sound 'descriptive'.  
  
-You done Kairi? Loki asked as she sat up, obviously done as well. I nodded and frowned slightly. It looked as though they were just waiting for me.  
  
-Okay Chad, you go first, Loki smiled looking over at Chad.  
  
-But I. Chad wavered.  
  
-The first letter of your name comes first in the alphabet, you first, Loki insisted. Chad sighed and lifted up his paper.  
  
-Ehem. He cleared his throat. He finished reading; I didn't fully pay attention. Now it was my turn.  
  
-You don't need to go just yet, Kairi, I know 'K' comes before 'L', but not by much, I'll go. How could I resist?  
  
-Okay, I replied relaxing a little.  
  
Loki smiled and read hers; it was about rainbows and Leprechauns, or something. Now my turn. I sat up a little straighter and looked down at my paper.  
  
-Any day now Kairi, Chad stated. I sighed.  
  
-I don't have anything. I lied; they couldn't force me to read it.  
  
-Kairi, what have you been doing for the past twenty minutes? Loki questioned.  
  
-It's not good. I stated. Loki sighed and grabbed my paper out of my hand. -Hey, that's not fair! I exclaimed trying to get it back from her. She held it just out of my reach and just as I gave up the battle she opened her mouth to read, but the sound of the bell ringing sounded before she got a chance. I sighed in relief and grabbed my paper away from her, shoving it into my binder.  
  
I headed off to. 'Sex Ed'. When I got in the room, Sora was sitting on the far side, Riku was sitting on the side way opposite him, and I really didn't have any idea where to go.  
  
-Kairi! Over here! Selphie called loud enough for the whole room to look over at me. I blushed and went to sit next to Selphie who was sitting in the back/ middle of the room.  
  
Ms. Leibson began today's lesson by explaining why you should wait till you are married to have children, well, to have sex. For some reason I felt oddly uncomfortable. I knew things really couldn't get any worse between my two best friends and me. At least Ms. Leibson didn't strike me as the kind of person who paired people up.  
  
-Um, well to put this all simply, We will be doing a weeklong project starting on Monday. You will have a partner of the opposite sex; the two of you will experience what it is like to live as a married couple. You will be assigned jobs, and your housing arrangement, along with children. I suddenly forgot how to breathe. -Okay, I have here a basket with each of your names in it. I'll come around; you'll pick a name. But if it's someone who is the same gender as you, then you'll pick again. We're in luck, because there is the same amount of girls as there is boys. Ms. Leibson smiled and got off her stool. She began walking down the first aisle, holding out the basket. She got to Riku and I froze. He seemed more upset with me than Sora, I crossed my fingers and prayed that he wouldn't get me, I prayed so hard I almost wet my pants.  
  
I saw his expression change dramatically as he looked down onto the paper.  
  
-Okay Riku, tell the class who you got. Ms. Leibson urged him on.  
  
-Kai.ri. He said slowly, like it was a swear word. My whole world collapsed. Today could not get any worse, I swear not even if Selphie died right next to me. There was no way anything could top this.  
  
I half expected Riku to look back at me, but he didn't. He was staring over at Sora and Sora was the one staring back at me. I buried my head into my arms and closed my eyes tightly waiting to die.  
  
Selphie got partnered up with Chad and Sora was with Loki. It was kind of funny how this same group was always with each other. Of course we all know that Loki and Chad are destined to be together, as Selphie is meant to be with Tidus. Curse prep. School! I was destined to be alone and confused because I could never say anything right. We weren't actually starting the project until Monday, so I had the weekend to get things right between us again.  
  
When the bell rang I was in no hurry to leave. I waited for Selphie to get her stuff together and then we left. I met Riku at his locker on the first floor, not yet having talked to him since lunch, maybe he wasn't mad anymore. What was I thinking?  
  
-Again Riku, I'm sorry about what happened at break today, but you have to understand where I'm coming from! It wasn't fair what you were doing to me at lunch, treating me like I did something wrong. I paused he wasn't looking at me, I knew he heard me though, I continued. -Look, I'm sorry that I say the wrong things all the time, I'd take it all back if I could. Hurting you. Or Sora. Is the last thing on my list! Really, you have to believe me. All I ever wanted was for the three of us to be friends, to get along. That is all I want. I gave him some of the same speech that I gave Sora, praying that he wouldn't say the same thing he did. -Please don't be mad at me, I mumbled. He turned to me and I felt something creep up my throat.  
  
He stared at me, building a horrible block of tension between us. -I could never be mad at you Kairi. He replied. That's what I wanted to hear. A sad smile lit my face, he understood. I fell into his embrace, finally getting the acceptance that I had longed for this entire day.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) Awww. how sappy. I know, it's kind of confusing. Oh well. Live with it! I promise, it will get better. Much better! MWAHAHAHA! I have much ideas for this story!!! ^_^ 


	3. Starting Over

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(A/N) This is short one, finally! Beware, this is a fluffy one!  
  
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That night I laid awake in my bed, happy to at least be back on the same page as Riku, asked for Sora and me, we were in two totally different books.  
  
I have come to the conclusion that I love both Sora and Riku equally, and if neither of them can accept the fact that I can't decide, then they're bringing on their own heartache.  
  
Riku had called me after school and we talked for nearly three hours. I told him almost ever emotion that I was feeling. He seemed to understand though, given time. I was glad that I still had someone to talk to. No offense to Selphie or anything, but she was too confusing. I told Riku that I just needed to time to think things through and that given enough time I would eventually figure everything out. It was all very simple really, I just needed to figure out whom I like more. That was the only step; of course that was the hard part.  
  
A first, I tried imagining life without one of them. Without Sora, I was simply put, nothing. He brought the laughter to my life, the fun. Without him I would truly be without myself because we were one, eternally connected with a secret bond that could, no matter what, never be broken. But in turn, Riku played an equally important role ion my life. He was the one who dug deep into my sole. He mad me think, he opened up my mind and filled my soul with questions. He made me feel protected, like when he was around, nothing bad could ever happen. I needed both of them. This was going to take longer than I thought.  
  
Eventually I got to sleep that night. I tossed and turned as I dreamt about absolutely nothing. I was so overwhelmed in my thoughts my dreams weren't clear, scattered among an endless universe of arbitrary matter. I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing.  
  
-Hello? I sounded as I lifted the receiver to my ear. My eyes shifted over to my clock, it was 12:00 p.m.; I had slept in late!  
  
-Hi, is this Kairi? I knew that voice anywhere and I was relived actually. Come on Kai; don't miss this golden opportunity to regain your friendship with this man!  
  
-Hi Sora, of course it's me! I'm sorry that I sound a little over joyed right now. um, I just woke up. Man, I must be sugar high.  
  
-Ah. Right. Anyway, I just wanted to know if you'll meet me outside in a little bit, I really need to talk to you. In person if that's okay? Of course it was okay, what a great way to start my morning!  
  
-Of course! I mean. Sure, I'll be out in a bit. I won't be long. I smiled uncontrollably. He didn't seem mad; of course it might have just been me.  
  
-Great. Bye.  
  
-Bye, I replied as I hung up the receiver and hopped into the shower.  
  
I felt abnormally bouncy as I walked outside to the dock. I could see Sora standing there, pacing back and forth. I wanted so bad to go up and hug him. Wait, we weren't still on talking terms were we? He, I guess I had forgotten all about yesterday. I suddenly became very nervous and I almost fainted when he turned to face me as he heard my footsteps behind him.  
  
We stood in silence for only a moment when both of us went to speak at the same time.  
  
-I'm sorry. We said in unison. He smiled, thank god, allowing me to smile freely in return. God I missed that smile. Though it had only been a day without seeing it, but all in all, I missed it. -Sit down. he offered as we both sat down at the end of the dock, my bare feet barely breaking the water's surface.  
  
-Can we just forget everything that happened yesterday and start over? Sora questioned. He read my mind.  
  
-I think that's possible, I smiled in return. -Already forgotten. I felt the warm sun on my back. What a pleasant feeling. Seriously, this was all I ever wanted. When I was with Sora, I felt at home, maybe I wasn't in love with him, I just loved him like my best friend, the single person in this world that I could tell all of my secrets to, and I would know that they'd be safe. My savior, my Sora.  
  
We sat in a comforting silence for a few minutes, watching as the waves formed and fell, crashing into the sand in a never-ending cycle.  
  
-So, um, have you heard about the home coming dance in two weeks? I questioned. I immediately realized what I was doing and prayed that he wouldn't take it as an invitation.  
  
-Yeah, he nodded. That was surprising, if he had known about it, why hadn't he asked me yet? I nodded looking out over the water. -What about it? He questioned.  
  
-Oh, nothing, I was just, you know, wondering. I said lightly as a cool waved splashed onto my feet. It was Sora's turn to nod now. -I was thinking though. O god, what was I saying. What was I thinking? -Maybe you could go with me? Oh Kairi! You are such a fool!  
  
Sora face lit up as he looked over at me. -Really!? He exclaimed. -But, what about Riku? Yes. what about Riku. I need to get myself out of this, fast.  
  
-Well, I was think, maybe all three of us could go together. like a best friend kind of thing. I could feel my words sting him as I noticed the smile fade from his face. He took a deep breath; this was just as hard for me as it was for him, why couldn't he just understand that?  
  
-Okay. He said lightly. Maybe there was hope!  
  
-Sora, you know I love you. And I wouldn't purposely do anything to hurt you. Same goes for Riku, I can't stand to see you two in pain because of me.  
  
-No, it's fine, really. Sora nodded again. I sighed, I know he doesn't mean it.  
  
-I'm sorry. I mumbled as I looked down into the water. Sora wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.  
  
-Don't be, I'll get over it. I promise. It's nothing but a silly crush, right? They never last long. He always knew just the right words to cheer me up. I smiled and rested my head on top of his shoulder. I hoped he was right, because I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was slowly breaking his heart more and more each day.  
  
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(A/N) On to chapter four!!! Horray!!! I hoped you liked this last one, it took me like ten minutes to write, you can probably tell. I promise to give you some Kairi/Riku stuff in the next one, like I said before, I have BIG plans for this story HAJAR! ^_~ 


	4. Where I Belong

(A/N) I'm sorry, I'll lay off all of the author's notes, go straight to story, it's not like you guys read these anyway.  
  
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As I walked home, I took a small detour to Selphie's house. I promised her that I would tell her if I was going to the dance or not. Of course when I told her she was overjoyed, like usual.  
  
-Kairi, this is wonderful! Oh yes, yes, it's great that you're all friends again. Um hmm. But we have to plan! I think I want a yellow dress, YEAH! To match my hair. Selphie was so strange, he hair was brown, not yellow. Of course we all know that the title 'dumb blonde' would fit almost too well.  
  
-Great, you look good in yellow. I replied unaware of what to say. But it was true, I mean, she wore yellow everyday, and she didn't look bad. I smiled.  
  
-Kairi, I think you should go for something like. Black? No, too gothic with your red hair and all. Hmmm, maybe purple. Or green! Selphie exclaimed.  
  
-Selph, you know that whenever I wear green I look like I just popped out of a Christmas catalogue! I responded. It was true!  
  
-Yeah, right. Then. I don't know. What do you say we take a little trip to the mall! Yeah, just the two of us, we haven't done that in awhile, maybe you can find one there. My mom gave me her credit card! Selphie squealed with excitement. I sighed, this was dangerous.  
  
-All right, let's go. I said. Selphie jumped up and led me out the door, grabbing her purse on the way out.  
  
As we walked down the side walks Selphie babbled on about how she was going to do her hair and what kind of perfume she was going to wear. She made it seem like the dance was going to be tonight, we have two weeks, but everything must be done now. Or, at least in Selphie's eyes it did.  
  
We got to the mall, it was crowded with people. I liked that because the more people, the more alone you felt. That's why I like public places because you're just constantly surrounded by people that don't even notice you.  
  
-So where do you want to go first? Selphie questioned leading me around. I had no idea, where did they sell dresses anyway? I never went shopping for one before. -Ah! Here. she exclaimed as we turned into a shop. It seemed nice, I guess. Define nice again.  
  
Selphie led me around a corner and we came across a row of dresses.  
  
-Okay, so you pick a bunch that you like and we'll try them on! Selphie exclaimed. I looked at her; I don't like decisions very much. -OR! NO! WE COULD CHOOSE FOR EACHOTHER! Selphie shouted almost too excitedly.  
  
Ah, how could it hurt? So I picked out a few yellow ones for Selphie and she picked out some for me and off to the dressing rooms we went!  
  
I reached for the pile and grabbed one. It looked strikingly like something my grandmother would wear. I immediately threw that one to the side. The next one was a silky lavender number. I decided to try this one on. It was very thin and long, but it felt like it was going to slip off, like it was made out of water or something. I took it off and grabbed the next one. This one was purple as well, though a deep shade. I put this one on, but it was a little poofy and had little thrilly things along the shoulders. I took it off and threw it with the others. After a few times, still no luck. I guess I just didn't like any here. Selphie, though, found her 'dream dress' in the first pile I gave her. It was a clothy (hmmm) yellow halter, and it looked 'nice'.  
  
-Hmmm, Kairi, you're impossible! Selphie exclaimed. I sighed. She was right, like I said; I wasn't good at making decisions, or finding things that I liked. I was hopeless and I knew it.  
  
-Well, maybe we'll find something for you at another store. Selphie suggested as we began to walk to the counter so that Selphie could purchase her gown. But that's when I saw it. It hit me like a warm spring breeze. my jaw dropped and I almost fainted. There, in a hidden, middle rack was it; it was the dress I had been searching for!  
  
-I'll be right back Selphie! I exclaimed as I sprinted to it.  
  
-Okay Kairi, take your time. Selphie hummed as she placed her dress atop the cashier's table.  
  
I lifted it off of the rack, it was the single one left, that either meant that people had bought the rest of them or. It was the only one! I let out a sheer giggle as I noticed the size, 5, yes! Just right. I took it and ran into one of the unoccupied dressing rooms. I slowly slipped it on, perfect. I suppose you'd like me to describe it to you, wouldn't you? Okay: It was a deep maroon (more purple than red almost) but in certain positions it looked almost black, made of the smoothest cottony-silky fabric that you have EVER touched. It cascaded down below my feet. It had two thin, ribbony almost, straps that criss-crossed down my back, all the way down. And I mean ALL the way down. It tied in a tiny bow at the end. On the front, it hugged me tightly, but not too tightly, I could still breath comfortably. It wrapped perfectly around my waist. It was thick, double laid to insure that I didn't feel naked. Yeah, this was the one I wanted. Sure, my entire back was exposed and a good section of my upper chest, but it was still good enough to be seen in public, even in school at that.  
  
I had to go show Selphie, she was probably outside waiting for me. I pulled up the skirt with a huge smile on my face as I reached for the door of the dressing room and slowly pushed it open. I was taken aback as I met the stare of, not one, but two people. Yeah, Selphie, and, take a wild guess! Riku. That's right, I said Riku.  
  
-He, he, Riku. What a surprise. I said feeling oddly uncomfortable. He was staring at me funny, gee I wonder why. I turned to Selphie for an explanation. She looked, if not more than Riku did, very surprised, she almost looked like she was about to cry.  
  
-Oh, my, god! Kairi. You-you-you, look.  
  
-Incredible! Riku gasped. I blushed, my face turning almost as red as my hair. Or at least I guessed it was almost as red as my hair. If not as dark as my dress!!! Why was I so embarrassed?  
  
-Well. Thanks I guess. I stuttered, a very awkward moment indeed.  
  
-Well, Kairi and me were just choosing dresses for the dance. Said Selphie to Riku, he didn't seem to notice. -And then Riku spotted me. he was.? Selphie questioned, completely unaware of what Riku was actually doing.  
  
-Oh, I was just. My god Kairi! Are you going to but it or what!?! Riku exclaimed, eager. yes, he was very eager, so eager it caused me to jump back a little, my eyes growing wide.  
  
-Are you feeling okay Riku? Selphie questioned.  
  
-Of course he is. Now let me change for goodness sakes! I exclaimed as I turned around, I felt their shock, obviously shocked at how much skin I was showing. I heard Riku giggle. I quickly reached my hands down to my lower back, took hold of the fabric and heaved it up so that it wouldn't fall so noticeably close to my butt crack. I shut the door and let out a great sigh of relief to be alone with myself once again.  
  
After I changed Selphie bought it for me and now we were on to accessories. Riku tagged along, obviously with nothing better to do.  
  
I simply watched as Selphie tried on bracelet, after necklace, after earrings. I didn't really feel like buying things with Selphie's moms' credit card, so I told her that I could probably find something at home to wear.  
  
Riku and I acted like her critics, telling her what looked best. It took a good half-hour, but she settled on a pair of silver hoops, for earrings, a matching bracelet and, again, a matching necklace. She bought me some mascara and nail polish that matched my dress almost perfectly. For herself, she bought some light cinnamon eye shadow, and a matching shade of nail polish. Then we decided to have some lunch. We headed over to the food court and got some Sbarrows (pizza, if you didn't know). Of course Riku didn't 'eat' pizza, so instead, he had a salad and mineral water (lol. sorry). While in the food court, we ran into, guess who? Sora. This day was getting weird, next we'd be running into Tidus and then. God forgive me for thinking his name. Wakka.  
  
-Hey guys, whatcha doing here? Sora questioned as he pulled up a chair and sat next to me. He smiled at Riku curiously, like they had some kind of secret or inside joke. I don't know, it just seemed bizarre.  
  
-Oh. Just doing some shopping. You know, for th. I kicked Selphie's foot hard; heaven knows what Sora would say if he knew that I bought a dress. God, he'd probably make me model t for him, right here, right now. -Ouch! Selphie exclaimed.  
  
-We're just shopping, for things, you know. I said glaring at Selphie. Sora smiled and nodded slowly, did he know something?  
  
-For 'things'. I see. So, Kairi, you pick out a dress for the dance yet? Sora asked. My face turned red again and I could see the smiles forming on Riku and Selphie's faces. I wanted to go curl up in a ball underneath the table. Sora turned to me and I tried to avoid his gaze, but it was too late. His eyes were like magnets to mine. Hmmm. Interesting metaphor.  
  
-Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I replied giving him a sideways grin. I got back to eating; I hadn't noticed how hungry I was before, but man. I was pretty hungry! I ate two times as much as I normally did, usually I ate three slices. You do the math.  
  
Anyway, after lunch, the three of us went to my house. Interesting, because we never usually go to my house.  
  
We hung out for a little while, until Selphie had to urgently go home because Tidus had called her from prep. School. Now it was just Riku, Sora, and I. Somehow, it didn't seem as awkward as one might have thought; it was kind of like old times. We walked down to the beach, letting our feet get wet in the surf. We talked, for once like we used to, about other worlds and our destinies. It almost seemed as though we were back at the beginning of this summer, before I went away to camp. I believe that was what made it different, me leaving for two months and coming back, expecting everything to be the same. I didn't want things to change, I didn't want Sora to get taller, and I didn't want Riku to buy a new shirt without me knowing. But I couldn't help it, Sora had grown nearly five inches, Riku bought plenty new shirts, and everything had definitely changed, not just physically, but mentally as well. All I knew for sure was that no matter what happens, no matter what bumps we hit, no matter how hard we fall, the three of us will always be friends. There was no tearing this force apart, not some silly heartache, not me, not today, not fate. I would never let them go, I'd have to let myself go first, because even just one second without them would be the most agonizing (for lack of a better word) experience of my life, because without either one of them, I didn't have a life, thus saying, I couldn't live. Simply put: I didn't want to say goodbye that night, fearing that something would go wrong tomorrow and I would never get a chance to see them again, or share another moment such as this, a single moment where I felt, for once, that I belonged. 


	5. Meaningless Heartache

*******  
  
The next week passed like it was nothing. It's really amazing how quickly time passes when you're not paying attention to it. It was so strange how we were just best friends again. There was no further mention of feelings, no fighting. This is what I wanted, I wanted to just be able to hang around both of them like friends, like we used to. That's all I wanted, that's what I told them, that's what they did for me. There was just something wrong about all of this. At least, I thought this was what I wanted, but I felt a strong. what would you say. feeling, telling me that this wasn't right. I couldn't live with it, I wanted more, and I needed more. It was slowly tearing me up inside. The arguments we had had, the discussion of how we truly weren't just friends anymore, it would never go back to the way it was because the feelings were out, everyone knew it, there were no secrets any longer. I loved them and I couldn't hide it anymore. And every time I looked one of them in the eye, I could see that it was hurting them just as much. But no, things would get better. they had to. Like Sora said, what's a silly crush, right? That's all it was, a crush. A stupid crush really, a single little annoyance that seemed to weaken my heart more and more every time I did so much as think about it.  
  
-So Kairi, excited for the dance? Selphie asked as we walked to school together. The dance, still, wasn't for another week. I sighed loudly as to tell her that I was just so overjoyed that I could barely contain my enthusiasm.  
  
-Sure Selph, I can hardly contain my enthrallment! I murmured as she whipped her head around to meet my face.  
  
-But Kai, I thought everything was good, you know, with your little 'friend' situation. Selphie questioned me, obviously appalled by my noticeable dissatisfaction.  
  
-No. It's all perfect, everything is perfect. I told her.  
  
-Then what's your problem, you love dances. Selphie questioned with unusual element of concern in her voice.  
  
-It's just. No, nothing, this is what I want, I have nothing to complain about. It's good, it's all good. I tried to act casual; I tried to pretend to be good at lying.  
  
-Look Kairi, it's not selfish what your feeling. If there is something you need to get off of your chest, just tell aunty Selphie, I can help. That's why I am here. Selphie exclaimed.  
  
-Look Selph, no offense or anything, but I don't really feel like talking about it to you. It's kind of like, I don' think you would understand and I don't think this is something you'd be able to help me with. Something's I just need to figure out for myself and I think this is one of those times. I tried to explain without making her head explode with confusion. I supposed it was good because she just nodded and we walked on.  
  
Once at school we headed to the gym. Today we were playing volleyball. What greatness, I suck at every sport so there really is no point in trying. I stood next to Riku the whole time, who just hit the ball away from me whenever it came close. Of course there was no hope for me when it came my turn to serve. I launched it in the air and tried hitting it over the net, but it barley even reached a foot in front of me. How pathetic. I tried again but whacked the head of the person who was standing in front of me and they had to be sent to the nurse. This is when Mr. G told me that I was a hazard to my team and made me give someone else a turn.  
  
Luckily I liked science so that period went by pretty fast. Mr. Genest enjoyed making fun of me in French words that I didn't yet know the meanings of. Luckily Riku almost memorized the entire textbook already (over achiever), so he defended me. At least I think he defended me, I'm not quite sure. During break Riku had to take a math test so it was just Sora and I. I was getting a pretty bad head ache, with all the French cursing and such, I couldn't handle being in the lunchroom so Sora and I opted for the hallway. Of course the one on the second floor because no one ever went up there during break, because that was where the teachers hung out.  
  
I rubbed unconsciously at my temples and took long sips from my hot chocolate; Riku had talked me out of drinking coffee, oh well.  
  
-So, um, how's it going? Sora questioned randomly. I looked at him, concentrating on his eyes. I forgot to respond after a few moments. -Kairi. Are you okay? Sora questioned with a noticeable note of concern in his usually not so concerning voice.  
  
I snapped out of it. -Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just, ah. Lost in thought, I was lost in thought that's all. I replied as I ripped my eyes off of him and took another sip.  
  
The one soulful reason I preferred coffee to hot chocolate was that coffee woke me up and hot chocolate mad me feel really sleepy. I felt a sudden urge of fluffiness take over my body and wanted to snuggle up underneath a wool blanket. And semi-consciously I rested my head on Sora's shoulder and closed my eyes. I could feel him lean back and into me. I guess it was a good thing he didn't throw me off of him because I could almost tell that he was about to.  
  
-I'm sorry, I'm just. Really tired all of a sudden. I yawned not opening my eyes. God I hope I don't fall asleep because I was about to.  
  
-No, it's okay. I don't care. I smiled and slowly drifted off to sleep. Oh good one. What a great place to fall asleep, in school, on top of the person that was slowly killing you from the inside out and I knew it. I felt bad because I noticed the obvious disappointment in his face when he woke me up and we had to leave. He seemed to be very disappointed lately. It will pass Sora, give it time. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay. But I knew that doing that would just open myself up to more conversations that I wasn't yet ready to handle.  
  
On ward to Algebra! Oh crap, I forgot that we had a test today. I studied a little last week, but I don't think that counted. I was doomed to fail. Well, at least I wouldn't go down alone because Sora admitted that he didn't study either. Oh well, I guess integers are pretty straightforward; they just didn't like me much.  
  
At the end of the day, the three of us spent our study hall in the band room. I had never actually been in the band room, but it was pretty cool. I guess I've always kind of wanted to play an instrument, but I never really got the chance. We fidgeted on the drums and keyboards a little and before any of us knew it the day was over and it was time to go home once again.  
  
I walked home with Selphie, Sora, and Riku. We all lived in the same neighborhood on the same street practically, so it was pretty convenient. Riku and me were still working on the project for sex Ed so he came over to my house after Sora and Selphie had gone home.  
  
We were a middle class family with two children, Marc and Yolei. He worked in the stalk market and I stayed home and ran our tavern. Yes. we owned a tavern. I also watched the kids.  
  
Let's see, today Ms. Leibson had told us that there was a sudden raise in our stalks and we could now afford our family vacation to Hawaii. How exciting!  
  
-So, are we taking the kids? Riku asked as he examined a bunch of papers in front of himself.  
  
-Well yeah, where else would they be? I questioned.  
  
-I donno. Grandma's house? He laughed. I smiled and looked down at some papers as well. The project had been extended to be due tomorrow, so tomorrow we have to make a class presentation on what we learned about marriages and. life, I guess.  
  
-Yeah, right.  
  
-So what are we doing exactly? I questioned not quite sure I understood this whole mess.  
  
-Just say what we learned. He responded handing me a paper and pen. What did we learn?  
  
-Sooo. What exactly would that be? I questioned, looking him in the eye.  
  
-I don't know. That the stalk market is tricky business and that children under the age of 18 don't belong in a tavern? That sounded good, so I began to write it down.  
  
Riku reclined a bit and I finished writing.  
  
-Well. What else? I questioned.  
  
-I don't know, you think of something, Riku sounded. I bit my bottom lip in thought. Hmmm. we paid our bills on time, our house was good. Everything seemed to be perfect. Except for the fact that Marc needed braces and Yolei needed money for college even though she wasn't yet out of jr. high. Our dog had rabies and Riku had recently got in a car accident and destroyed our only vehicle so we had to walk everywhere. I guess the vacation is off.  
  
-We learned not to go and spend all of our money in one place, and to be responsible? I questioned. I turned to Riku and he nodded. -And that. you shouldn't have sex before your even considering marriage because chances are you'll have to fend for yourself for the rest of your life in a world of chaos and cruelty because you can't even afford to breath.  
  
-Sure, Riku responded, obviously not caring.  
  
I nodded and wrote for another ten minutes.  
  
-What do you say we take a break? Riku questioned as I finished writing down the last word. I stared at him.  
  
-But we just star. Yeah, a break sounds good. I replied setting my stuff down on the coffee table in front of me. Riku stood up and I watched as he began moving towards the screen door. I quickly got up and followed. I followed him down to the dock and we rowed over to the island where we had used to spend all of our time.  
  
We walked down the beach, the dry sand flowing over my feet as I walked. I fell onto my back and lay in the sun, watching as the clouds moved forth. Riku walked over to me and I reached my arms up to him. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up into a sitting position. He sat down next to me and watched, as I did, the waves move in and slowly retreating back.  
  
-Do you remember when we used to just spend the whole day here? Riku questioned.  
  
-How could I ever forget? I asked in return. Those were the good days of my life; the times that I would give up everything to just have again. When we didn't care about anything, we just had fun.  
  
-And remember when we had built that raft, and we were going to go out and see other worlds? Riku questioned again.  
  
-Of course, I laughed. I never thought that we would actually get anywhere. Of course we didn't even try. -It was a bummer that it floated away. But I guess it was kind of for the best, you know what I mean? What would our parents have said?  
  
-Yeah, I guess you're right. Riku replied, squinting his eyes as the sun shot, full blast, into them.  
  
We sat in silence for a few minutes and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. There were these moments where he seemed so strong, like there was this constant shield over him, one that no one could interfere with. But then there were moments like these when he seemed so part of it all, like he was just regular. He would let the shield go and take in the light of the day. Like I could make him cry if I really wanted to.  
  
-Hey Riku? I questioned, not even sure what I was going to ask him.  
  
-Yeah? He responded finally looking in my direction. I melted under his gaze, his bright aqua eyes falling on mine. I gulped, He was so breath taking. But that wasn't why I love him, I love him because I knew that out of everyone and everything in this world, I was the only person that could pull down his shield. I was the only thing that allowed him to live, allowed him to breath. I was the only one who understood, and he knew that. He knew that I loved him, and I knew that he understood as well.  
  
-Do you hate me? I asked. This is the one subject that I knew we both didn't want to get started on. But it was too late, I had talk about it. If not to him, I'd have to talk to Sora and I already knew that Sora was trying his hardest. And I knew that he didn't hate me.  
  
-I couldn't hate you Kairi, even if I wanted to. I tried to forge a smile, but it was difficult.  
  
-I just wanted to make sure. I responded flatly.  
  
-We don't need to talk about this now, Riku said in return. But I had to.  
  
-I want to, I replied.  
  
-Look, I've given it time. I'm still waiting. I'm doing all that I possibly can okay, but it's really no use because I'll forget a little bit but every time I look at you every feeling that I have ever had just resurfaces its self and it feels like I'm drowning. Only I don't have a lifeboat this time because you're my only lifeboat, and I don't have you.  
  
-Of course you have me! You have me now, I'm right here. I shouted quietly.  
  
-I don't have you the way I need you. I sighed, this was hopeless. A meaningless cause is all it was and there was really nothing I could do. It wasn't possible to love two people equally and it, likewise, wasn't possible to need both of them in the same way. That's why it's a lost cause because I did love them both equally and I couldn't stand it anymore.  
  
-I'm sorry, I murmured almost lifelessly.  
  
-Don't be, it's not your fault. He replied bringing his wall back up, keeping me from seeing into his soul, trying to keep me further away from his heart. But it was unnecessarily obvious that the further away I got, the closer I truly became. -And I just want you to know that I understand. I understand all that your going through and that I'll give you time and space for as long as you need it. He said almost choking, was he about to cry?  
  
I sighed deeply, -I've really been thinking about all of that recently, thinking about it until it hurt, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I know that I told you I needed space, but I can't help but feel that that's not what I really want. I need you two. Both of you! I don't know. I just can't think straight anymore.  
  
-I know what you mean.  
  
-It just feels like my whole world has collapsed and I can't see clearly anymore, like there's this fog that just won't clear. I don't know what I want anymore. It's like. Say the world is a giant mirror and all of a sudden it's broken, so the reflection isn't the same and everything is just. upside down and I don't know what the difference from dream and reality is. I guess I'm just waiting to wake up, to feel better, but every day when I wake up, it just seems to be getting worse. And the harder I try to bring it back; the closer it drifts to the edge of it all.  
  
-You got it. Riku replied. -You have definitely just described everything that I'm feeling in words exactly. I sighed, relief I think, and at least we were both on the same page emotionally.  
  
-It's like my worst nightmare. I can't make decisions; in fact, I play volleyball better than I make decisions. But it's comparable; I'm a hazard to my team in volleyball as I am a hazard to the people that are effected by the decisions that I make. I always seem to choose the wrong thing. But in this case. It's between my best friend and my best friend and I know no matter who I choose someone will get hurt in the end. It's a fifty-fifty chance and those are always the worst kind. Because if I choose, say, you then Sora will be hurt. So will I for that matter. If I choose Sora, you'll be hurt. So would I. And, well. If we just let it be, then the three of us will be slowly fading away, drifting perilously closer to a silent end. And there is nothing we can do about it. We can't save each other anymore because we've gotten in too deep and we would need a miracle to get us out of this one. And fate doesn't seem to be too kind these days. I stopped, now I was just babbling.  
  
-So, what are we going to do about all of this? Riku questioned. I was just as blank as he was, how was I supposed to know?  
  
-I don't know, I gulped as I shook my head and bit my lower lip hard. I could feel the tears coming; always coming at the worst times. -I'll figure things out though. I will.  
  
-You don't have to.  
  
-Yes I do! This is all my fault, I got us in here I have to get us out. You'll get over me. That's what I told Sora, you will. Even if there's no hope for me, I can't stand seeing you guys hopeless, because with out me then you would be just fine.  
  
-No Kairi, you can't blame yourself for something that you can't even control. It's out of all of our hands at this point, we just. Have to wait and see what happens. If I had never met you, there would be no point in my life. I nodded slowly.  
  
Riku was right.  
  
That afternoon we walked home shortly after sitting in silence for a few moments. We said good bye, hugged, blah blah. But there was just one thing he told me before he left me at my doorstep that I couldn't get out of my head all night.  
  
-Don't let it take over you. Remember that you and Sora are forever connected with some kind of mental bond. So what am I to you but a meaningless heartache? With that he turned and walked away. I wanted to grab him, take him in my arms. He wasn't just a meaningless heartache. I wanted to tell him that he was so much more to me, but I couldn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) Awe, How sad. 


	6. The Rain Comes

*******  
  
I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling worse than ever. It was nearly impossible for me to get any sleep last night because what Riku had told me burnt into my mind and kept me up. I was just confused with myself, why didn't I stop him? What possessed me to just stand there and allow him to walk home sad?  
  
This morning I woke up to the sound of rain pouring outside my window. Luckily I shut my window before I went to bed, or else the rain would have soaked me.  
  
The sky was dark, well, darker than usual and I figured it probably wouldn't light up. When I went downstairs to grab something to eat my mom suggested I take the bus. Great, I hate the bus. But at least it's better than walking a mile to school in the rain. So I went outside around seven thirty and the bus, thank god, was on time. I sighed as I trudged myself on.  
  
-Good morning, smiled the bus driver cheerfully. I smiled blankly and continued walking. Thankfully Sora had had the same idea I did because I saw him sitting near the back in the seat behind Selphie. I sat down next to him and he smiled too. I tried to suppress another one, but it came out more like a demented frown like I was about to throw up or something.  
  
-You okay? He questioned intently.  
  
-Yeah, I'm just. tired. I lied trying to fake a yawn, but that didn't work too well either because the expression on Sora's face didn't change.  
  
-I suppose Riku didn't take the bus. Gee, I hope he isn't walking to school in this weather; he'll look like a wreck! Selphie exclaimed as she turned her head around to look at me.  
  
-Oh, I think he's driving actually. It's around that time of the year I suppose; he'll be sixteen in a few months. Said Sora. Yeah, I guess that was true. He never drove before and it's almost creepy why he would choose a rainy day like this one. Oh well, I suppose beggars can't be choosers.  
  
I looked over to the other side of the bus and stared out the window as the beach drew further and further away.  
  
-Kairi really, is something wrong? Sora questioned. I turned to him, I guess his concern was sweet, but I wish he would just leave me alone.  
  
-No, I swear, I'm fine. I nodded quietly.  
  
-You're quieter than usual. Selphie pointed out. What was wrong with being quiet? Maybe nothing exciting ever happens in my life and I have absolutely nothing to talk about? What am I saying?  
  
I didn't answer, I just turned my head further away. Maybe they'd catch the hint and stop talking to me. I wasn't really that interesting anyway.  
  
-So, um. How's the project with you and Riku working out? Sora questioned.  
  
-Fine, I replied blankly still refusing to look at them. I guess I still kind of thought that if you couldn't see someone then they couldn't see you either. Oh well.  
  
-That's good. Mine isn't going that great, Loki and I went bankrupt and she has a bad gambling problem and sold our only kid on the black market down in Vegas. I nodded slowly, not that I didn't care, I just didn't much care.  
  
The rest of the bus ride, thank god, was pretty silent. We reached the school and I guess I must have gotten up too fast because I felt pretty light headed and had to sit back down. I suppose this didn't look too good because Sora's assumptions became final.  
  
-Kairi, what's wrong? He questioned as I held my hand to my head.  
  
-Nothing, I'm just a little light headed, nothing to worry about, it happens all the time, I just got up too fast that's all. I said trying to ignore the constant throbbing at my skull.  
  
-Are you sure? Sora asked.  
  
-Yeah, see I'm okay now. I said as I stood back up and tried giving him a reassuring smile, but the smile didn't work because I almost fell over. What was wrong with me? -Um, but a trip to the nurse never hurt anyone. I responded as Sora stood up and helped me get off the bus without falling down and killing myself. When we got inside Selphie insisted that she take me to the nurse.  
  
-No, I can, it's fine. Said Sora as his hands tightly grasped around my arm.  
  
-No, no, no, really, I insist! Selphie exclaimed.  
  
-Okay, you know what, why don't I just bring myself to the nurse and you two can go to gym. I suggested. If their arguing went on any longer my minor headache would turn into a migraine.  
  
-But you. Selphie questioned.  
  
-Look, I think I can handle it, I'm not dying. I said looking at them. Sora let go of my arm and I gave them one final reassuring look and walked down the hall to my right.  
  
-Uh, Kairi, the nurse's office is that way! Sora called as he pointed in the opposite direction in which I was heading. Of course, I turned around and carried on.  
  
I spent the whole of first period in the nurse's room. Not that I really needed to or anything, I just didn't think that I was up for physical activity. She let me go to science, but said that I should take it slow for the rest of the day. She said that I was having something like stress attacks. I don't know, but she said that if I didn't take it easy then they could get a whole lot worse. I simply agreed and left.  
  
I guess a certain two people were a little worried about me because I hadn't been in PE. I told them I was fine and didn't feel like going to gym. I guess I purposely left out the part about being stressed because I believe they both knew that it wasn't school that was stressing me, but them.  
  
The school day wore on slowly, and all I could think about was going home. I wanted my couch and coffee, I mean, 'hot chocolate'. The usually warm school seemed pretty cold. They obviously hadn't turned off the air conditioners. The air outside was still muggy, but it had a sharp breeze to it. Thankfully Sora lent me his sweatshirt and I was good to go.  
  
I couldn't help but notice that Riku had never shown up in Science. I was a bit concerned, I must say. Especially after the conversation we had had on the bus.  
  
-Where's Riku? I questioned as I stared at the empty seat to my left.  
  
-I don't know, he wasn't in PE, Sora replied looking at me. Of course I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel his gaze fall upon me.  
  
-I hope he's okay. I said looking over at Sora. He read the horrifically concerned look on my face because he sat back a little.  
  
-I'm sure he's fine, don't worry about it. He assured.  
  
-He was fine last night. The only thing I could think of was some kind of car wreck, but I knew that I had to get my mind off of it because that wouldn't happen.  
  
-He probably just woke up and had a cold or something; maybe he wanted to take a personal day. Whatever it is, I'm sure he's at home safe in his bed.  
  
-Or a hospital bed, I accentually said out loud.  
  
Sora sighed deeply and I closed my eyes. -Riku is fine, he assured just as Mrs. Costello told us to take out our homework. I tried to believe him, I wanted to, but something in the back of my mind told me that he was wrong, dead wrong.  
  
After science I wielded through a lonely, boring, hour of French. Then I headed out to the lunchroom here I caught Sora sitting at a table in the corner all by himself. Where was Selphie? My eyes drifted over to the table where she was sitting with Chad and Loki. I walked over and sat next to Sora.  
  
-Hi, I smiled as I scooted in. Sora sat up with a somewhat surprised, but not really, look on his face.  
  
-Oh, hey, he said softly. He was eating a muffin and then pulled it in half. -Here, he said handing it to me as I gratefully took it.  
  
-Thanks. I replied as I played with it, pulling it into tiny pieces and kind of nibbling on them. Sora smiled, he always liked watching me eat, I really have no idea why, but I suppose he found it entertaining.  
  
-Do you think it could be my fault? I questioned looking at Sora. The smile on his face slipped a little.  
  
-What? He questioned, obviously unaware of what I meant.  
  
-Why Riku isn't here. Maybe I just traumatized him so much that he couldn't bear to come to school because he might see me.  
  
-No, Sora laughed. -That's definitely not possible.  
  
I stared at him, I wasn't trying to be funny. -I'm serious Sora, what if it really is my fault. What if I've just cut him so deep that he couldn't handle it anymore? I almost shouted getting a little annoyed.  
  
-Kairi, look. If anything he would have been dead a long time ago if he was really that effected by you. In fact, so would I for that matter. Now see, you can't always be blaming things on yourself. Why do you always do that? Sora questioned.  
  
I sighed. -Last night he told me that He was just a meaningless heartache to me.  
  
-Well how does he know that? Sora questioned intimidated.  
  
-I don't know, he just goes, 'you and Sora are like connected blah blah, so what am I to you, but a meaningless heartache. I tried to explain.  
  
-And you told him he wasn't, right? Sora questioned.  
  
-Well. not exactly. But I didn't say he was either! More like, I just didn't say anything at all. I said quietly looking down onto the table.  
  
-Oh Kairi, don't let that kill you, Riku can handle it. He's tough, tougher than me and if I'm not committing suicide then neither is he. Besides, if anything bad had happened to him his mother would have called me. Trust me Kairi, everything is fine just stop worrying about it. Sora was right, I was getting stressed out about this whole thing and that's exactly what I shouldn't do.  
  
Suddenly I noticed a teacher approaching our table. Mrs. Worth I think he name was, she works in the office.  
  
-Hi, is one of you Sora.? She questioned. I looked over at him, what kind of trouble was he in this time?  
  
-I am, he responded looking equally as perplexed as I.  
  
-Would you come to the office with me for a moment, you have a phone call. She said as Sora got up and looked to me for help. I just shook my head and raised my shoulders telling him that I was clueless. I watched as he walked away.  
  
******* 


	7. Live, Love, Forget

*******  
  
It wasn't until fifteen minutes later Sora returned. Something wasn't right, I could tell by the look on his face. He sat down next to me again. I waited for him to say something, but I figured that he was waiting for me to say something as well.  
  
-What's up? I asked concerned.  
  
-Its Riku. said Sora suddenly. Oh my god, I knew it!  
  
-What about.?  
  
-You were right, he said quietly looking at me. -He was in some kind of accident, ah. I guess his dad and him got into a fight and it got a little carried away. All they told me was that he had a concussion. I sighed, sure I had assumed the worst, but I couldn't help but pray that I was wrong.  
  
-Is he okay? I asked urgently.  
  
-Yeah, the doctors say that he should be ready to leave by Thursday at the latest. I mean, I'm sure, knowing Riku, he's ready to leave right now, but they just want to make sure that there's nothing else wrong with him. Sora explained. I nodded, this was only a little overwhelming, I mean. Who would have ever expected something like this to happen?  
  
-Can we go see him? I questioned, still picking at the remains of my muffin.  
  
-Yeah, actually, my mom is here. I guess we could go now if you want to.  
  
-Of course, I insisted as he stood back up and I slowly followed. We checked out in the office and I called my mom to tell her that I wasn't going to be at school and everything. I followed Sora and his mom out to her car and we drove to the hospital.  
  
The only hospital on Destiny Islands was pretty far away from it all. It was way passed town nearly on the whole other side of the island, mainly where the 'richies' lived. I supposed they figured that they needed first class attendance if one of them were to get hurt.  
  
I watched the rain pour over the interstate. It was such a dreary day and I guess it kind of brought my mood down. I leaned my head on the window and rested my head in my hands.  
  
The entire car ride was silent. When we finally got to the hospital I waited for Sora to get out and followed him around to the other side of the car where his mother rolled down her window.  
  
-Okay kids, I'm only on my lunch break and I don't really prefer hospital food. I'll be back in, oh, say fifteen minutes or so. I'll meet you there all right? She questioned as Sora nodded and began to turn away. -Oh yeah, and don't do anything that you're not supposed to. Remember, it's a public place. A strangely lit expression came upon Sora's face as he raised one of his eyebrows and gave his mom a confused frown. -Oh, now, you know what I mean, have fun. She called after us as she began to pull away.  
  
Sora and I silently walked into the building and stopped at the front desk. Obviously Riku's mom had been waiting for us there, because there she was, standing, before we got a chance to do anything, pulling us along to room number fifty-six.  
  
-Oh, thank you guys for coming down to see him. He's in a bit of tight spot right now and I really feel he needs some friends to talk to. He's very angry you see, because they won't let him go home. He doesn't quite seem to understand that he needs to stay here. His mom rambled. Sora and I casually nodded a she left us at the door. -Well, I'm starved, and Riku wants me to go find him. what was it again? Some kind of mineral substance; oh I don't know, well he's in there. She said as she walked away. -Oh and try not to be too loud, he's been having these really bad headaches this morning, I suppose just some withdrawal symptoms from the concussion, but other than that he seems to be okay.  
  
-All right, I smiled. Man she just keeps talking and talking, leave already.  
  
-Okay, you three be good now. She smiled as she turned and walked away. What was with it and parents telling us to be good, did I really have that bad of a reputation?  
  
Sora slowly opened the door to the darkened room; the only light coming from a dimly lit fluorescent on a ceiling tile. Sora and I entered slowly as I tried closing the door without making a sound, but squeaked a horrible noise as I clicked it shut. Riku looked over to us, obviously startled.  
  
-Oh, hi guys. he said slowly. I smiled as I pulled up two chairs by his bedside, one for me and one for Sora.  
  
-How do you feel? I questioned, as I was blissfully unaware of what else to ask. What do you ask someone who is in the hospital?  
  
-I'm fine, really. I seriously don't see why they won't let me go home. He replied with a little annoyed tone in his voice. -I mean, maybe it's the fact that I can't stand up without falling down, but that's only a minor set back, nothing we can't improve with modern science. I laughed. I guess he was feeling okay. But I couldn't help but notice that he was lying in an awkward position that didn't look at all to be comfortable.  
  
-So, what really happened? Sora questioned intently as he drew his hands up to his chin much like a physiatrist would.  
  
-I donno, my dad just got kind of mad, you know, like he normally does. Got a little drunk, threw something's, apparently knocked me out I guess. But I can't really remember any of that. They also said that I had amnesia for a little while there and that I couldn't even remember who I was. Oh well, can't really expect me to remember that either.  
  
I sighed, -Well, I'm just glad that you're okay. I smiled as I sat back in my chair a little.  
  
-Yeah, Kairi was all freaked out this morning because you weren't in school. In fact, she was flippy just because you weren't on the bus. Said Sora.  
  
Riku laughed a little and looked over at me. -Thanks. for worrying, but I'm okay. Always have been, always will be. He smiled, showing all of his perfectly aligned, perfectly whitened teeth.  
  
-So, you'll still be going to the dance, right? I questioned.  
  
-Wouldn't miss it for the world. He replied. I smiled. I guess this was a good way for us to start over, maybe he didn't remember what he had said last night. I was glad because things didn't seem awkward between us, like I thought they would be. Riku's mom appeared at the door carrying a tray of 'things'. She set it down on Riku's nightstand and handed each of us a Styrofoam cup of coffee. To Riku, she handed a cup of milk. Man that kid, he drinks more milk in a day than a cow produces in a lifetime.  
  
-Thank you, I smiled as I took a few creams from the tray and handed Sora a packet of sugar, four packets actually, the guy was a little obsessed.  
  
We sat there for another ten minutes taking about randomly selected topics of which really had nothing to do with anything.  
  
-You know, maybe you guys could go and walk around a little. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt; you've been sitting down for quite a while. Riku's mom suggested. Riku began to sit up when his mom stood up to stop him. -Now not so fast, you'll get lightheaded. Remember what happened this morning? Riku sighed and threw his legs over the side of the bed in mock- slow motion.  
  
-That better? He questioned angrily.  
  
-Yes, thank you. Do you think you can walk? His mom questioned as he his feet feel to the floor and he held onto the bed for his life.  
  
-No, he replied. -But what's wrong with standing? He questioned as a small grin came to his face. His mom sighed and pulled out a wheelchair from the other side of the bed.  
  
-Use this, she said as she took his Iv and attached it to the little stand on the. thingy. Oh yeah, I suppose that I forgot to mention that Riku's mom was also a nurse. I guess that's a good thing in times such as these. His mom took his arm and helped him move over to it.  
  
-Look, I'm not paralyzed; I still have the ability to move on my own! He exclaimed as he plopped himself down in the chair. And gave his mom an 'I told you so' kind of look. I suppressed a small giggle as I stood up next to Sora. The three of us walked, and 'wheeled', around for a little bit, discussing the last time the three of us had been here together when Sora had broken his leg. Of course, we were only here for a few hours because Sora didn't have to stay over night or anything. I just took a long tome because attempting to use crutches only hurt him more then they were supposed to help. Oh well, good times. We eventually found ourselves hanging out in the cafeteria. That's when we ran into Sora's mom and after much discussion finally convinced her to let us stay with Riku for the rest of the day. Who needs school any how, knowledge may give you power, but power leads to corruption and this was not at all a good thing to have. Anyway, time passed by like it used to, without a care. And when three o'clock rolled around we had some more visitors. Well, Selphie, to be precise. But someone was with her, almost like a miracle, it was Tidus.  
  
-Hey guys, how's life been? Tidus questioned as he walked into room number 56 behind Selphie. Selphie was purely beaming as she dragged him in after her. Man, I hadn't seen Tidus since the beginning of last summer, before I went to camp, what a surprise.  
  
-What are you doing here? I questioned as the two of them pulled up more folding chairs and sat down.  
  
-Well, Selphie called me and told me about Riku here, I figured, hey, I'm going on vacation today any how so I got the 'rents to drive me over and we came to say hi. He explained.  
  
-So, if I had known someone getting hurt was all you he needed to come for a visit then I would have landed myself in this place months ago. Selphie exclaimed. Tidus smiled, though unwilling to show any teeth. He closed his eyes for a second then began nodding slowly.  
  
-So Riku, how are you feeling? I wanted to come earlier with these two, but no one told me, said Selphie as she frowned indignantly.  
  
-Yeah, we were all very shocked. Said Tidus looking over at Riku.  
  
-We? Riku questioned almost aggressively.  
  
-Well. I was at least. Prep. School guys aren't very friendly. In fact, they nearly celebrated my leaving. Obviously thought that I wouldn't be coming back. Quiet a bit of a shock to them when they see my return. He smiled. I nodded knowingly, sounds like the girls at my camp, I suppose that's why I tended to hang out with the guys, but then the girls would get mad at me, saying that I was 'stealing there men'. Oh well, the guys didn't seem to like them much either.  
  
The rest of the day wore on like this, lost in meaningless conversation. Sora's mom came by later to pick the two of us up. That's also when Selphie and Tidus decided they'd leave as well. I felt kind of bad for Riku though, the noticeable disappointment on his face when the room became empty. His mom had left again to tend to some patients and I something didn't feel right about leaving him alone. I stood by the door watching him as he stared out the window. The rain still refusing to stop.  
  
-Kairi, you coming? Sora called as him and his mom stood out in the hall.  
  
-Um, sure, just give me a minute. I replied as he nodded and led his mom further down the hall. I closed the door slightly and stepped back over to Riku's bed.  
  
-I'm sorry we have to leave you, I said as I sat back down. He turned to me and gave a half0hearted smile.  
  
-Don't worry 'bout it, you'll be back tomorrow, right? He questioned.  
  
-After school. I said lightly suppressing a smile.  
  
-That's okay, he replied. I stood back up and kissed his forehead.  
  
-Feel better, all right. I smiled as I walked back over to the door and sighed, with my back facing him. -And, Riku, you're not just some meaningless heartache, I said turning back around. The smile, thank god, on his face didn't fade, not even a little.  
  
-I know, he replied lightly. I smiled again and turned back around to leave, this time making it out the door not turning back to look at him, not even once.  
  
******* 


	8. Forever and a Day

*******  
  
Wednesday and Thursday wore by, as Sora, Selphie and I visited Riku every day after school. On Thursday the doctors said that he could finally go home. This was all very good because we knew that just one night in his own bed would do him a world of good.  
  
The story about his dad seemed to travel far and took a few turns for the worst. Horrible rumors were going around that his dad was abusive. Of course we all knew that Riku's dad was really a nice guy, he just had a bad drinking problem. His mom put him on a program that's part of the hospital, but courts gave him a restraining order that he couldn't come with in a certain mile of Riku, or his wife. It was kind of sad to see him go, because Riku did forgive him. Riku's mom, however, filed for a divorce a while back and finally got him to sign for it. I guess all of this emotional stress in all but two days was a little much for Riku to handle. That night Sora and I just took him down to the beach to try and get his mind off of things. We knew that above all of the crap the three of us were going through, Riku was tumbling down the hill the fastest and we all knew that once he hit the bottom then it would be unlikely for him to get back up again.  
  
-Riku, I'm so sorry, is all I can manage to say as the three of us sat at the edge of the dock on the small island. I watched as the liquid blue sea slowly morphed into a black hole.  
  
-Don't be, it's not your fault. He replied. I felt so bad for him, how could he take all of this? I mean, I'd be crying non-stop if this were ever to happen to me. I'd be so depressed that I wouldn't even be able to talk. I'd probably become mute and lock myself in my room forever. But Riku didn't even complain, didn't shed so much as a single tear. He had put up his shield and I found it to be especially difficult to break through.  
  
-Well, I just want to make sure that you don't think that it's your fault either.  
  
-I don't.  
  
-Good, I said. Now to talk about something different, something happy, something that wasn't going to make us more depressed than we already were.  
  
-Ever wonder what life would be like if we could start all over? Sora randomly questioned. Hmmm, it didn't seem like a too depressing topic.  
  
-Yeah, I guess everyone does. I replied. I know that I sure did. I've already planned out everything that I would do differently if that ever were to happen.  
  
-I never really thought about it, besides, I wouldn't do anything differently. Riku responded. -I guess I just rather think about the future, and what lies out there, beyond this island. I can't help but feel that it's like a tiny prison, that there is so much more out there that I'm forbidden to see because, I'm stuck, here.  
  
-But I thought you liked it here. I questioned.  
  
-Really, the only thing I like about it is having such great friends like you two. If it wasn't for you guys then I don't know where I'd be. Riku answered.  
  
-Probably face down in a ditch, Sora snorted. I elbowed him in the arm.  
  
Riku smiled, -Who knows. I just want to leave. I want to go out and explore, see other worlds, different places, meet new people. I want to see what life is like off of this island. To see if magic really does exist, to be able to just be free and not care. I want a life where you can just live. That was deep. I sighed in agreement. I think that's all everyone wants, except for me of course.  
  
-I don't really care where I am, just as long as you two are always there by my side, I'll be good. I smiled as I splashed my feet into the water, making tiny ripples in the motionless sea. -What do you think Sora? I mean, you were the one who brought it up.  
  
Sora looked over at me, either deep in thought or about to jump. -I think someday we'll see. Someday the three of us will get out and suddenly we'll be so sick of each other we'll want to go home and get away. You know? Of course everyone's dream is too escape, but once you've escaped and you've realized what being alone is all about, you want to go back, you miss the memories. No one wants to stay out there forever because here, this island is the single place in the entire universe I think that we belong. This is truly the one home I'll ever have and I don't think that I could bear to live without it forever.  
  
-Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Sora smiled at me and I smiled back. This really was home. -But whatever adventures we go on, with or without each other, I know that the three of us will always be right here. So if we ever need a shoulder or a friend, just look.  
  
-Yeah, that's why they call it Destiny Island, right? Because each of our Destiny's, no matter how off track they get, they will always manage to lead us back here, where we started. After all, we'd at least know where to find each other. Said Riku. The three of us smiled, overwhelmed by a sudden tinge of fluffiness.  
  
-So we'll always be together, no matter what. Said Sora.  
  
-Forever,  
  
-And a day. Because you always need that extra day, you know, to say goodbye and stuff. Riku smiled as Sora and I smiled back. The three of us headed home walking on a lighter cloud that night. Though the rain hadn't stopped coming since Tuesday, I felt it clear up a little, as it turned into a gentle mist. A calming mist that sifted slightly through you. It wasn't all that cold today, but it felt nice as the two of them wrapped an arm around each of my shoulders giving me a warm and thoughtful sense of protection. Some how I felt that whenever either of them was around me that nothing could hurt me, nothing could tear us apart, we were one and that was the way it should stay. This, right now, is how life should be forever. and a day.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) Sorry, couldn't resist. Besides, you haven't heard my thoughts regarding my story for a while! Man, that chapter was a load of 'Dicey'! (Read my Bio, you may understand). I think that was fluffier than chapter three, Starting Over. Okay, I needed to load this one up with extra fluff because of what is coming up. I'll just warn you that 'Adrienne' is about to take her gifted sense of angst and turn it into mega angst like you have never seen before! And I'll tell you, it should last for another, oh, say three to four chapters. But don't worry, she's almost done. (the story that is). And it brings a tear to my eye because I have had so much fun with this one! I mean, it's my baby and it has slowly grown up into my best friend. I think I'll name her Sebastien, good Sebby, please don't end soon because 'Dicey' isn't happy. the lack of fluffiness is making her break out with acne. Well, this A/N has thus made up for the lack there of from the last few chapters. Enjoy and take care of yourselves now, you hear?  
  
~ *Always* Lei ^_^ (Your beloved author extraordinaire) 


	9. My Angel

(A/N) This chapter is written entirely from Riku's POV. Don't ask me why I've done this because you will find out soon enough, maybe in the next chapter. But no, in the one after that. Well, maybe not, but I do assure you, you will find out, you will! Hope you likey, I was getting bored of just writing Kairi, Kairi, Kairi over again, even though I committed myself to it at the beginning. Oh well, read on and review!!!  
  
*******  
  
~Riku sat up on his roof, staring out over the ocean~  
  
Everyone had gone home that night, including myself. But why didn't I feel better? I was finally out of that prison, that stupid hospital, but why did I still feel trapped? It was the oddest of feelings, I usually felt free when I sat up here, high above the world, like I could touch the stars or fly away. I could grasp the ocean and let the water flow over my hand. But somehow it didn't feel that way tonight.  
  
My gaze shifted over the tiny beach. Of course it looked even smaller then it usually does from up here. I imagined, for a second, that Sora was down there, running after Kairi with his stupid little wooden sword lazily slumped over his shoulder. I pictured all of them, Selphie, Tidus. even Wakka, like it had used to be. I dreamt that we could go back to those days, if only for a moment.  
  
I sighed deeply and turned back over to the sky, the stars dully shining through the fog, the cool breeze slashing my hair around my head. I couldn't help but think about Kairi, her dazzling image constantly plastered in my mind. God, I knew that this wasn't just a crush. I was in love with her from the day I first saw her, when she first came here. At first, I thought she might have liked me back, but as time wore on I couldn't help but notice that she kept growing ever closer to Sora, constantly by his side, flirting with him. Of course, I thought that was what it was, but then one day when I was still in jr. high, she told me that she liked me, more then just a friend kind of like. She told me that she was just trying to avoid me because she was nervous. A basic sign that is was just a crush. It was silly really, but after that we did get closer, but it never got passed a friendly kiss on the cheek or a harmless handholding. She did the same with Sora, but I guess that I couldn't complain. No one in my book could even come close to Kairi, but Kairi was living in a different book, in this book Sora and me were obviously equal.  
  
I know it was selfish of me, but I kind of wish that she would just love me back as much as I love her, and for just one night, I want her to forget about Sora to just be with me. No heartache, no Sora, just Kairi, me, and. I don't know, our own relationship, togetherness. I just wanted her for myself so badly I could almost cry. I felt like just breaking down and stopping, right here, submitting myself to my feelings and letting go. Surrender to myself and just begone because I knew that Sora wanted her just as much. So to over rule my selfishness, I wanted Sora to have her. Whatever made Kairi happy would make me happy. I just wanted to see her smile, that smile that I swear I haven't seen since the beginning of last summer. I don't know what happened to her at camp, but I am sure something changed. Nothing at all changed here, Sora and I just went around al day beating on each other waiting for Kairi to come back, waiting for something better to do.  
  
I drew my feet up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them in attempt to get warmer. The night air was getting colder and I only wished that I had my sweatshirt on. I wanted Kairi to be here, to sit next to me. I wanted to wake up tomorrow and find myself back last June, to beg Kairi more to stay, to go with her, anything. I guess that it was all that time alone this summer that made all three of us think. We all discovered our feelings, what a mistake that was. Kairi the most, I believe. She wrote me a letter last summer, she wrote Sora one as well. She told me how lonely she was and that she wished she was back home. I guess it really didn't matter that I wanted the same thing; she just went about assuming that I was fine even though I wasn't. I had written back to her telling her that I wished she were back as well. I told her that I missed her and that I wished she would come back sooner. The only thing I regret about that letter was that I signed it Love Riku. I ultimately knew that it was a mistake even before I mailed it to her. But she wrote me back saying that she loved me too. At first I was really happy, but then she went on about how she loved Sora as well. I suppose that that was the first time that I realized what a situation we were in. At first I thought almost nothing of it, but then when she came back, and the first week of school. I wanted to beat Sora so hard. I guess all of the competing to try and show her who was better only gave her a migraine. I was really disappointed in myself because I felt her draw away. I suppose when I get really sad I just cover it up with anger, and that's what I did. But when I'm around Kairi, it's almost like I'm a different person, she opens me up to be someone better. When she's around I just want her so bad that it makes me become nicer, it exposes my true feelings and that stupid aggression I get when I try to hide something, that just disappears.  
  
The other day Sora called me, and we talked for almost an hour about her and how we felt. It was amazing, but he made me realize how I truly felt. He made me realize that I didn't want to hate him, but I almost felt sorry for him. Sora and I, we're on the same page now. We both want the same thing and we both are aware that no matter how hard we try, no matter what progress we make in trying to forget, everything just disappears when we look into her eyes, every past emotion resurfaces. The tearing pain at my heart seems to go away for a single moment when I'm next to her and then she'll speak and it's like I'm talking to an angel. Because that's what Kairi is, an angel. She's a miracle sent down from heaven to be my life. She brought me religion and hope. In those few seconds between dream and reality, she's the only thing that I think about, she's the one who I would give up my life for just to see her smile, even if the smile left quicker than it came. She is one single person in this entire universe that has the power to make me surrender she is the only one who can bring me down and pull me back up quicker than a blink of an eye. She is the person who holds my heart and I will forever be hers, even if she can't be mine.  
  
******* 


	10. Friends for a Lifetime

*******  
  
Selphie came over to my house after school today. It is Friday, and as you well should know by now, the dance was in a few hours. Right now it is around four thirty and the dance started at seven o'clock. But Selphie and I were being picked up by Sora, Riku, and... heaven's goodness... Chad at six thirty. We figured we should give ourselves about a half an hour just to make sure that we remember everything... and everyone... *coughs* Chad *coughs*... But this was a whole other story.  
  
When Selphie first entered my house she took her backpack off of her back and emptied her small bag of... 'things'... onto my couch. I watched as she carefully selected a few items and, finally, turned to me. I was hovering over her, above the arm of the couch, as a strangely curious but concerned expression lit my face.  
  
-First thing's first, nail polish. The earlier you put it on, the better. Always remember this Kairi. Kairi? Are you listening to me, Kairi!?! I turned my head in her direction and nodded.  
  
-Oh, what? Yeah I was listening the nail polish first... Now go on, I insisted as I slid down to come face-to-face with her.  
  
-Okay, do you still have the colour I bought you? Selphie questioned intently. I took one look at her and then at my hands. I seriously didn't think my nails looked that bad.  
  
-Selphie, do I have to? I whined.  
  
-Kairi, listen to yourself, you're acting like a child. Now come on, if you really don't like nail polish that much we'll just use clear. Selphie smiled patting my hand lightly. I nodded; I liked that idea much better. I figure what is meant to be colourless should stay that way.  
  
Selphie gathered up all of her little supplies and brought them over to my kitchen table. After the nail painting fest, and after the nail drying fest, Selphie brought me, and her supplies, of course, upstairs to my bedroom.  
  
-Selphie, you know makeup and me... we don't like each other. I exclaimed, as I got more nervous watching her take out a pencil of dark red eyeliner. –And red... Selphie, are you crazy!?! I shouted.  
  
-Nonsense Kairi, you'll look gorgeous. Selphie assured. I couldn't complain, I mean, it's not that I didn't trust her or anything. Her mom was the founder of the most famous beauty salon on this island. I just wasn't sure that I would be able to recognize my reflection when she shows it to me. Sure she looks nice in makeup, but me, I am a whole different story.  
  
I sighed, not wanting to give in, but not wanting to get into an argument. –All right Selphie, do what you need to. Turn me into a fake runway model.  
  
-Oh Kairi, light... I promise that I'll be very light. You know that that's my technique. How could I possibly forget?  
  
I will not even begin to explain to you that hour of torture that Selphie put me through. The 'close your eyes', 'now smack your lips together', and who can forget the 'Oh, hand me another tissue can you? I got the eyeliner running again...'. I sighed when I heard that one precious word that I had been waiting for, for far too long.  
  
-Done! Selphie exclaimed as she rolled the stick of mascara back into its case. I was afraid to even look in the mirror when she handed it to me. I took a deep breath. –Oh Kairi, I swear you'll love it! She squealed. More deep breathes...  
  
I slowly lifted the mirror to my face and... Omigosh, it was like all that she had done, everything she had put on me was like invisible. I was shocked, I was amazed, I was speechless, and... I liked it.  
  
-So... What do you think? Selphie anticipatedly questioned. I kept the mirror aligned with my face, examining every area, wondering where all the makeup had gone.  
  
-It looks like you put nothing on, it looks so... natural. I said. I had no idea I had this much natural beauty, was I sounding full of myself? Oh well, I was hott man, and I was taking advantage of it tonight!  
  
-Well, you know, in the world of makeup... Less is more; she sighed as she pulled down the mirror. –Okay, so why don't I go do myself up, it shouldn't take that long because I don't need much. Put on your dress and wait for in here. Said Selphie as she grabbed her little bag and raced out on her way. I closed the door to my bedroom after she left and turned to look at my clock. It was now 5:45. I had a half an hour and fifteen minutes. I traipsed over to my closet and opened up the doors. Inside was my dress, hanging in its solitude. It looked so elegant like a princess gown or something. I didn't want to touch it, I just wanted to stare at it, it was so beautiful. But we all know that the beauty drains once I put it on... No, I have to stop bringing down my self-confidence, tonight was my night and I wasn't going to treat myself like dirt. Let myself bask in the glory of it all.  
  
I grabbed the dress off of its hanger and laid it out on my bed. I pondered how I was going to do this. I changed slowly, trying to get everything to fall in just the right place. After I was satisfied with it I headed over to the floor length mirror on the back of my door. Yes, I sighed to myself. This was good. I tried to soften out the edges a little and then it hit my that something was missing... But what? I found myself gaining closer to the door trying to find out what was missing. It was like I was a puzzle... Almost finished but two things weren't there. No, I'm not talking about Sora and Riku, though that would make a pretty good response. Suddenly I saw the door handle move and quickly backed away as the door ferociously swung open. Selphie was standing on the other side, obviously pleased with herself as well. Wearing her new jewelry. I gasped, of course, that was it!  
  
-Kairi, no offense, you look great, but I can't help but notice that you're missing something. Said Selphie as she set her bag down on my bed and drew her hand up to her chin. –I can only imagine what...  
  
-So you noticed as well, I see...  
  
-I got it! What you need, sister, is a little visit from aunt silver... do you have any nice bracelets or necklaces? What about earrings? She questioned. I jumped at the last one, I actually had a pair of earrings that my aunt had given me a few Christmas's ago. The were the perfect thing, tiny silver chains with little stars at the end.  
  
I rushed over to my bureau to try and find them, coming up with a small black box in my hand. I walked over to my bed where Selphie was standing and I sat down. She followed my example and sat down next to me. I opened the box to show Selphie.  
  
-Will these work? I questioned as I pulled them out and placed them in my hand. I didn't really care if she said no because I had never worn them before and this was just the over powering boost that I needed. What was I thinking?  
  
-Yeah, those are great, she smiled I worked them into the holes in my ears that hadn't seen the likes of an earring for nearly a year now. I sighed, as they didn't put up much of a fight.  
  
-It still would have been nice if you had let me buy you a necklace or something, it would have made you really pop! Said Selphie with a littler more emphasis on the word 'pop' then was necessary.  
  
-Oh well, I replied lazily. –Can't win 'em all... Let's go down stairs and get something to eat before we go. I suggested as I stood up. Selphie happily followed me down to the kitchen and watched as I ate two grilled cheese sandwiches and a cold pizza. Selphie claimed that she was too excited to eat, but I knew that it was only because she liked junk food and that I didn't have much of.  
  
Six o'clock rolled by pretty quickly and my mom offered to give me a ride to Riku's house, because that was where Sora was. I guess that was better than waiting for awhile for Chad to go and get them and pick us up too because it was only six fifteen and me and Selphie couldn't wait any longer, so I called Riku and told him that we were coming over. I made my mom drive us, even though his house is only two houses away, I just felt kind of stupid walking down the street in broad daylight wearing a dress... a 'nice' dress.  
  
When we got there my mom dropped us off at the front porch and I rang the doorbell. A large smile formed on my face as I awaited the reaction I'd get when they saw me. I almost let out a quick laugh, but I didn't want to look fruity.  
  
I looked over towards the beach, the water gently lapping against the shore. The air had gotten warmer and it almost felt like summer again. I wanted so badly to run down to the beach and jump into the water. It looked so cool and refreshing, catching the glimpse of the early sunset. It was so breathe taking, more than that of anything I had ever seen before. I wanted to take a picture, to capture right now forever. I suddenly turned around to realize that Sora and Riku were standing at the door staring at me. Awe, it was so cute, the two of them in their white collared shirts and black dress pants and jacket. I almost started crying it was so cute... Really, what was problem tonight?  
  
-Awe, you guys! I said lightly as I advanced inside. There were hugely lit smiles bordering each of their faces. They looked at each other for a second, smiled again and then grabbed two, small, tan, paper bags off of the coffee table near them. What was this? They each outstretched one arm, with a bag in the hand, to me and almost gasped, but caught it just as it neared my lips. –Huh? I questioned it, not for me... They both raised their eyebrows in unison as to 'urge me on and take the darn bags already'. I reached for both of them and bit my bottom lip as a smiled came out. The smiles wouldn't fade from either of their faces.  
  
-Go on... he urged me as I opened the first bag, the one that Riku had handed to me. My eyes grew large as I peered inside. I looked back at him as to ask, 'really'. He nodded quickly reading my expression. The smile on his face increased more. He licked his lips and I slowly reached down inside the bag, in my hand, I held a silver chain connected to a small silver star in the center. It also had one of those little chain thingy's at the end that sort of trailed down your back. I couldn't believe it, it matched my earrings perfectly. I could tell by the look on Selphie's face that she had noticed that too. I smiled uncontrollably now completely forgetting that Sora had given me something as well. I quickly opened the other bag finding a matching bracelet. It was just like the necklace, only smaller. Had they gone shopping together? A sly smile appeared on my face as I looked up at the two of them.  
  
-Awe, you guys, I absolutely love them, I smiled as I stepped up to both of them and kissed them on the cheek. I almost laughed when I saw how red Sora's face had turned when I backed away.  
  
-Well... Riku began, -You going to wear them or what? He questioned eagerly. I laughed, oh yea. I handed the bracelet to Selphie, and held out my right hand to her. I gave the necklace to Riku, well; he kind of took it from me. I could feel him tracing the chain with his fingers. I sighed.  
  
-Riku, I asked as I turned around. He jumped and stared at me.  
  
-I wasn't doing anything, he lied knowingly as he whipped his hands behind his back and looked away.  
  
-surrre, I replied. Then the three of us headed outside to pass the time. We sat down on the porch steps and watched the horizon. The colours slowly changing as we sat, I was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of giddiness, a feeling that I haven't experienced forever. In fact, I don't that I had ever felt this sheer happiness ever. It was such a pure feeling, like everything for a split moment had been forgotten, everything that caused us pain every bad memory just lifted away. It was like a new sun was rising over the horizon of our lives and I could tell that it was going to be better from now on. It was like the beginning of a new day, he freshness of starting over, so simple and yet so complicated. I couldn't help but smile, the only way I knew how to express this. I was captured by the essence of tonight's beauty, as I said before, I wish I had a camera. Actually, I bet Selphie had a camera, she had a lot of things in that bag of hers.  
  
-Hey Selph. Do have your camera by any chance? I questioned. I almost cried when she nodded her head, pulling the camera out of her backpack.  
  
-I was just thinking the same thing, she smiled, the sunset is really pretty tonight, hey, do you think I could take a picture of you three? She questioned turning it on and setting the flash.  
  
-Sure, I spoke for the other two as well. I stood up and took both of their hands. They were a bit hesitant but I yanked them up and pulled them off of the porch. I walked across the beach and stood right in front of the dock, my arms laced through one of theirs. Riku was on my left and Sora, on my right, as usual. Selphie got ready and the three of us smiled. A great way to capture the moment, with my two best friends. Besides, I didn't have many recent pictures of them and I wanted one to add to my abnormally large collection.  
  
Selphie's finger snapped over the button and she smiled as she set the camera back down. The four of us smiled together. Four inseparable best friends, even Selphie of course. The loss of two of them wouldn't hurt us, I still just wished that Tidus, even Wakka, was here to just be here, if only for a moment. But I was never the less as happy as the world. The single happiest time of my life, and I knew that tonight would be even better. The night without forgotten promises and heartache; a night were we could just be ourselves. The night that, I felt, I finally made it through, I survived the hardest three weeks, as pathetic as that may sound, of my life and tonight would be the beginning of the first chapter in my new life story. I couldn't wait for it to start, but I hadn't yet realized, that it already had.  
  
******* 


	11. Last Dance

*******  
  
The four of us headed back inside and sat in the living room waiting for Chad to arrive. I walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. I don't know, I guess I eat when I'm happy. I stepped in just as the phone rang. I decided not to continue and just stood at the entrance. I didn't want to be rude, listening to Riku's mom on the phone.  
  
-Hello? She answered. I could hear the voice from the other line. It sounded much like Riku's doctor, and I was right because that's who it was.  
  
-Is anything wrong? Riku's mom questioned with a tinge of concern in her voice.  
  
-No, not at all; I just wanted to check up and see how he was doing.  
  
-Oh, he's doing great, just like nothing has happened. But I can't help but notice that he has these short, almost blank outs when he'll just sit there and stare into space. But he hasn't had any headaches lately, so that's good.  
  
-Yeah, but make sure he isn't subjected to very loud noises either. If he does have any head aches though, I do advise you to bring him. I'm just not sure, but some of the tests show that the shock on his skull might have effected something in brain. I just want to make sure everything stays okay. I don't mean to worry you or anything.  
  
-No, of course not. Thank you doctor. I'll tell him to take it easy. Said Riku's mom. I smiled, oh he'll be taking it easy, I would make sure of that.  
  
-Well, not much more to say. I really want to stress this though, make sure he tells you if he even experiences a mild discomfort, because it could lead to something serious.  
  
-Okay, thanks again. Bye. Riku's mom then hung up the phone and I turned around to see Sora, Selphie, and Riku approaching me.  
  
-What are you doing just standing here Kairi? Riku asked as I pushed myself off the wall.  
  
-Waiting for you guys. I responded as the four of us then walked into the kitchen. Riku's mom turned and the expression on her face quickly turned from concerned to... I donno how to describe it, kind of sad and sweet. She approached Riku and rubbed his arm.  
  
-Awe, you look so handsome sweetie, oh if only your fath... her voice trailed off and I could see the disappointment on both of their faces.  
  
I sighed, -Well, Chad should be here soon, why don't we go wait out on the porch again. I suggested. Riku nodded and the others agreed too.  
  
-You guys have fun tonight. Riku's mom called. Riku turned away, but his mom turned back around and gave him a hug, he hugged her back. –Be safe.  
  
-Bye ma, Sora waved as he headed toward the door.  
  
-Don't be getting yourself in trouble now Sora, Riku's mom grinned.  
  
-I'll try, he replied.  
  
-Bye, I smiled as I followed everyone else out of the room. It was just our luck because as soon as we all stepped outside Chad pulled into the drive in his dark green Saab. Chad was in the driver's seat, la Dee da he has his license, Selphie sat in the passenger's seat and I sat in the middle of the back in between Sora and Riku like usual.  
  
Once the five of us were in the car, on our way, our sense of excitement was renewed. I couldn't help but smile as Sora and Riku purposely squished me until I couldn't breath. Ha, ha, ha, the same game we used to play when we were seven, who could make Kairi stop breathing the fastest. Not exactly one of my favourite games, but right now, I enjoyed it more than anything.  
  
-You guys, I can't breath, I said trying to push them off of me.  
  
-We know, they both said in unison as the smiles reformed on their faces.  
  
-Well, unless you want me to faint, I suggest you stop.  
  
-What do you think the point is? To allow you to breath? Sora questioned, that famous smile, the real thing this time, coming to his face. For a second it almost looked like he was seven again, I almost felt it.  
  
When we got to the school it seemed like it had been completely transformed. Nothing like jr. high dances, they went all out for this one. Glitter thrown everywhere decorative streamers and even little paper lantern lights hanging off of the tent roof in the outside patio of the cafeteria. It was still relatively light outside when we got there so the three of us went outside and hung out on the other side of the cafeterias two, large glass doors. The doors were left open and we could, regardless of the black paper covering the glass, see inside, watching people dance.  
  
It was actually, despite what most may think, kind of nice. People wandering carelessly about, the sun setting over the endless horizon, J-pop playing in the not-so-distant background.  
  
-You look really pretty tonight Kairi, Sora smiled as his gaze wandered directly into my eyes, something that he always used to try to avoid. I was half expecting him to add the 'yea, pretty ugly' part, but I was relived when he didn't. even though he would have just been kidding.  
  
-Thanks, you two look great too, I replied. Sora had already taken off the jacket part and was rolling up his sleeves so that they rested just below his elbow.  
  
-It must be a disease, Riku pointed out.  
  
-What? Sora and I questioned, putting our full attention on him.  
  
-How he can't seem to look somewhat decent for more than a few seconds at best. He smiled back, Sora glared at him, ready to attack.  
  
-I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Sora responded sharply.  
  
-Oh! I exclaimed positively as I shot up from my seat. –I love this song! I shouted as a huge smile formed across my face, canceling out my frown.  
  
-Want to go dance? Sora questioned. In Sora language 'do you want to go dance?' translates to 'will you go dance so that I can watch you?'. Sora doesn't dance, ever since that tango incident in fourth grade. I won't go into detail, all I can say is that fourth graders (Sora) + Tango = horrible memories and bad bruises. After that I never saw his so much as tap his foot to the beat.  
  
-Are you kidding? I laughed dramatically in a sarcastic sort of sense. He couldn't have serious and I mea this, Kairi does not dance.  
  
-No, you're kidding! Come on Kairi, I bet you're really good. Sora smiled, see what I mean, 'do you want to dance' never referred to him actually dancing at all.  
  
-No way, not in front of... people, I said, almost in a whisper. Sora pouted and crossed his arms.  
  
-If I dance, will you dance? He questioned. I stopped (doing nothing) and pondered... Of course I would surely make a fool out of myself, but if Sora was dancing, ha! The attention would surely go right from me to him. Yeah, that would work.  
  
-You're on! I grinned, now let's turn this into a competitive activity and maybe he'll dance well for me. I walked over to the other side of the table where he was sitting. –And if Riku says that I dance better than you, I get the first slow dance with him. I smiled, Riku grinned, Sora frowned.  
  
-That's not fair, it's obvious that he'll pick you for the reason.  
  
-Well, if he picks you, and you might have a chance, then you get me for the first slow song. I said. –And Riku will be fair... won't you? I questioned as more of a command than an actual question.  
  
-You know it, he replied as the three of us walked in, my favorite song still blasting out, but not too loud. Unlike jr. high dances when they really just kicked the hip hop out of me, turning each speaker to full volume so that you could feel the sound waves carry through you even when you were at least 100 yards away from the gym. Not to mention the drowning out of every other sound.  
  
As we walked inside, I took in everyone else. Many were just sitting or standing by the wall, some were grinding, others were PDA free dancing. Let's see... How to begin? Suddenly Sora took my hand and put his other on my waist. I smiled as I noticed that contagious grin spread across his face, the smile that only said one thing. Oh man did I know what he was doing. I looked over at Riku to see that he was laughing silently, obviously understanding completely. I decided to go with it. I brought our hands up, parallel to my neck and I placed left hand on his shoulder.  
  
-I won't miss the steps this time, Sora smiled, exactly what he told me five years ago before he nearly killed me!  
  
-Don't drop me again either, I warned as we found the beat and began moving. My steps on step behind his, our feet moving in unison, thank god. We moved around, first, in a semi circle when he spun my out and rolled me back in. Then he dipped me, so low that I could feel my hair almost touch the ground the ground, but he didn't drop, he didn't even stumble. He held me there for an over anticipated second and then smiled.  
  
-I told ya I wouldn't drop ya, he said as he brought me back up and we moved around again as he whipped me around his back, did a half dip and then a sashay. Then we found ourselves back in the first position again. He smiled, I caught the hint and then we did the whole thing over again. Our steps were perfectly in tune, matching the music. I wasn't even watching what I was doing; I was just letting him take me, guiding me through it all. This time when we ended I found our bodies closer than before, so close that I could feel his heart beating. He looked down on me and smiled. I fought for breath, what a work out!  
  
-I've been practicing; he grinned as we pulled away.  
  
-I can... tell, I said still fighting my battle for air, and almost losing. We stepped over to where Riku was watching on the sidelines. He looked to have enjoyed that almost as much as I did.  
  
-So... who wins? Sora questioned elbowing Riku in the arm.  
  
-Well, I think it's pretty obvious, I said. Sora was the one doing it all. My song ended as Hikki belted out the last note.  
  
-Sora, you were pretty good... I must say that Kairi gets the prize. Riku smiled.  
  
-Ah, whatever... Next song though, Kairi's mine! Sora exclaimed.  
  
-All right, but let's wait for a 'slow' one because Kairi is about to pass out, I said as I itched my forehead.  
  
-Okay, said Riku as the three of us headed back outside. It was amazing how dark it had gotten while we were in there. It had only been like, what? Fifteen minutes. We sat down at the small table, the paper lanterns casting tiny golden glows over the area.  
  
-Okay, So next song Riku, then Sora... Then maybe the two of you will dance with each other, eh? I questioned sarcastically. The looks on both of their faces were priceless.  
  
-Ha, ha, ha... that sure is funny Kairi, Sora laughed as he looked at me, the normal twinkle in his eye was back.  
  
I smiled and looked over at Riku, his head buried in his hands.  
  
-Riku? I questioned, I prayed that he wouldn't go ballistic at me again. Everytime I asked him if he was okay he would rant on about how I worry too much, but my concern shifted from being yelled at back to him when he didn't answer. –Riku... You okay? I questioned again trying to hide the beyond noticeable element of concern in my voice. He slowly jumped back to reality and looked over at me. He looked kind of exhausted.  
  
-I'm fine... he said.  
  
-You don't look fine, I responded.  
  
-I am, my head just kind of hurt, but I'm fine. He assured me, bu the concern on my face didn't leave and he could obviously tell by the look on my face. – I am F I N E Kai, come on! He insisted as he playfully nudged my arm.  
  
-Are you sure? I questioned. He nodded.  
  
-Yes, would I ever lie to you? You just worry too much. He said softly.  
  
-I just care, that's all, nothing wrong with caring. I replied.  
  
-No there's not, he agreed. I smiled, I win.  
  
I heard the music. I smiled, the first slow song of the night.  
  
-What? They questioned me as I began to stand up.  
  
-Come on, I insisted, it a slow one. I smiled as I took Riku's hand and pulled him onto the dance floor in the back area of the cafeteria. Sora followed us in, obviously not wanting to wait outside by himself and stood with his back against the wall. I watched as about ten girls asked him, he refused everyone. I frown.  
  
-Sora? I questioned. He sighed and went to go tell Loki that he'd dance with her.  
  
I Riku put his left hand on my waist and I put my right hand on his shoulder, he took my left hand in his right hand and I could feel the instant connection. He pulled me up so close to him that I could feel his chest raise and fall as he breathed. Something about him holding me like this wanted to make me fall asleep. Not that it tired me; it was just peaceful and comforting. I rested my head on his shoulder, a perfect fit seeing as my head ended just as his shoulder began. Never before did I really notice how well we fit together. I mean sure, I knew that mentally, we were like the makings of a puzzle, but I guess we were physically good too. Not for you take that in a wrong way or anything, I mean... Oh never mind.  
  
I noticed , as I looked around, that Selphie was dancing with Chad and for once, I didn't care. I didn't care that Chad had totally taken over Tidus's position, I didn't care that Sora hated Loki, I didn't care, for once, about anything. It was like it was just me and Riku there, under the stars, away from it all, like we were in another world, a world where it was just him and me. I wanted to stay right there, wrapped in his arms all night long. I never wanted him to go, not even if he just moved away a few inches. Sure, I have been having a lot of deep, emotional feelings lately, but this was a new one, this one was special. I had never danced with anyone so close in my life. Sure, I hugged a lot of people, but hugging only lasts so long.  
  
-Riku? I questioned softly, not purposely trying to ruin the moment, just trying to improve upon it, not that that seemed humanly possible because I could even begin to imagine how one might go about improving upon this moment.  
  
-What? He whispered in my ear. I melted as his voice soaked through my mind. What was I going to ask again? Let's see... Think of something Kairi, fast!  
  
-Can this be our night? I questioned, what in the name of Claude was that supposed to mean/  
  
-Sure, he replied. I was shocked, but glad that he didn't question my extraordinarily random subject.  
  
-I didn't think that it was possible, but I felt like I was falling in love with him. This doesn't seem possible by the fact that I had never fallen 'out' of love with him in the first place, but there was a familiar feeling in the pool of new ones, I felt like the first time I had ever laid eyes upon him.  
  
We both fell silent, no words I suppose. I didn't want the song to end, but, thankfully, I knew that this song happened to be a long one. I would remember this moment(s) forever, I don't think that I'd be able be able to even try if I wanted to.  
  
Suddenly I looked up, curious because it felt like Riku had jolted back.  
  
-Riku? I questioned as he slipped his hand out of mine and slammed it up to his forehead, his eyes were closed hard, crap. My heart skipped a few beats; I tried holding him up, keeping my balance, because it felt like he was concentrating more on his head then the fact that he was falling over on top of me.  
  
-I'm... fine, he managed to get out.  
  
-No you're not! I exclaimed, I couldn't stop the fear from escaping in my voice. –Sora! I cried, unaware of what else to do. I turned my head around and watched his eyes grew wide; he parted from Loki and ran over to us.  
  
-Riku? He questioned as he took hold of his other arm, the one that I wasn't squeezing the living daylight out of, and tried pulling him up from his arched back position.  
  
-I'm fine, he said as he tried to pull away, but fell back again.  
  
I saw Selphie running up, followed by Chad. I tried to speak but I couldn't. I was too skucking afraid to talk.  
  
-Selphie, go get help, Sora commanded. NI could feel the tears coming. Sora and I moved Riku over, closer to the door.  
  
-Riku? I asked, my voice almost hoarse, but I almost screamed it at the same time. His legs gave out and I had to kneel to the ground to support his weight. His head fell into my lap. Sora kneeled down next to him. His eyes were open only a tiny bit, like little slits.  
  
-I'm... fine; he said so weakly, the obvious pain in his voice, what was wrong?  
  
-Shhh... I calmed him. –Don't t-talk, I whispered as tears fell from my face. –What's w-wrong with him? I turned to Sora. I was shaking, you could even hear it in my voice.  
  
-I... I don't know, Sora told me. He seemed more in shock then nervous or afraid. How could he not be scared?  
  
-Riku... I stated again, as less of a question this time as I ran my hand over his forehead and through his hair. His eyes were shut all the way.  
  
-I think he's unconscious, said Sora. I looked up at him, he could see the fear written even deeper on my face. –I should go help Selphie. He suggested as he began to rise, but I grabbed his arm.  
  
-No, please stay here, I pleaded as he slowly went back down and gave me a reassuring nod.  
  
Selphie came running back with a handful of teachers at her sides. Selphie stayed behind us, at the front of crowd of people that the teachers were trying to move back. I didn't want Selphie to be part of the 'crowd', she was his friend too; but I suppose that it's all for the best. One of the teachers kneeled down between Sora and me.  
  
-We called 911, she said, I was too concerned to see who it was, I was even too concerned to notice that the music had died and the lights in the cafeteria had come on. There were people talking but, I heard nothing but that implanted sound of sirens in the distance. Before the ambulance reached us, Riku's mom did. She ran in through the double doors on Riku's other side. She nearly gasped when she saw. She kneeled down next to me.  
  
-I'm so stupid, I heard her say quietly to herself, I heard her curse under her breath and I looked up at her. Then she turned to Sora and reached into one of her pockets. She handed to him a set of keys.  
  
-What... he questioned her.  
  
-The guy's won't let you in the ambulance, take the Rio... she insisted.  
  
-But... I've only had like three weeks of drivers Ed... I've never driven before, he said, now there was fear and concern in his voice. Riku's mom nodded him on placing the keys in his hands.  
  
-There's no time for questioning, now come on! She insisted as three guys in white parted us, picking Riku up and putting him on a stretcher. Sora looked at me and Riku's mom nodded again as she followed them to the ambulance. Sora and I headed out, running to the parking. You'd think that It would be harder in the dark to pinpoint a black kia rio, but seeing as it was parked in the fire lane, it was not that hard. I got into the passengers' seat as Sora got into, heaven forbid, the drivers' seat. He just sat there for a few seconds, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then jammed the key into the ignition and the car started. He put it in gear and slowly began to leave the parking lot.  
  
I quickly buckled myself, watching, as Sora did the same. He then moved the seat make and adjusted the rear view mirror. I watched as the school got further and further out of sight. About two hundred people standing outside, watching the ambulance pull away. It was almost like I was in a movie, never actually thought that I would be living this. There was an unsettling feeling in my stomach, most likely caused by the deceasing noise of the sirens far ahead of us. I felt almost a nauseous.  
  
-Are you okay? Sora questioned, not willing to take his eyes off of the road, thank god. What was he asking? Did I feel okay!?! My best friend just passed out on me, he was taken to the hospital, and this was my entire fault. I had listened to what his mom and the doctor were talking about on the phone, I heard him say that he shouldn't be around loud noise and that it was a problem if he was having headaches? Now I questioned the statement that I 'cared too much', I didn't care enough; I knew that something was wrong, but I gave into him. Why didn't I say something!?! –Kairi? Sora questioned I turned and looked at him.  
  
-What? Oh, no I'm fine. I lied as I looked out the windshield. The night was dark, the moon and stars made it seem like it was almost daylight. The sky was so clear, the clearest that I had ever seen it in my entire life. Why could such a beautiful night go so wrong?  
  
When we got to the hospital, they made us wait in the waiting room. I agreed without putting up a fight. They said that they still didn't quite know all that was wrong with them, but they did say that something serious was wrong. I was so nervous.  
  
I sat in the cold waiting room; there was no one there but Sora, a lady at the front desk, and me. Sora had given me his jacket, even though I didn't want it. Even with the jacket I was still shivering nervously. I bit my lower lip hard, so hard it felt like it was going numb. I had stopped crying, I couldn't think straight. My hands were set lazily, one on both of my legs. Sora took my hand; it scared me at first because I wasn't expecting this. I squeezed it hard, hoping that I wasn't hurting him.  
  
-I'm sorry, I mumbled barely audible.  
  
-That's okay, he said as he squeezed my hand with and equal amount of force, but I could tell that he was holding back a little bit.  
  
After almost thirty minutes, there had been nothing. My eyelids were slipping helplessly over my eyes; I was unable to stop it. My head found Sora's shoulder and tried as hard as I could to stay awake. I didn't want to fall asleep, I couldn't. I closed my eyes lightly, warning myself how bad I would hurt myself if I fell asleep.  
  
-Sora? I questioned weakly.  
  
-Yeah, he responded.  
  
-Don't let me fall asleep, okay? I asked, the near stutter in my voice was almost gone.  
  
-I won't he, whispered lightly. I smiled, well... If you could call it that, more like a completely dilapidated frown, and waited for the doctor to come back in, waiting to see Riku, praying that he was okay.  
  
******* 


	12. Just one more Night

*******  
  
The wait was long, it felt like forever. The worst hour of my entire life (putting that statement lightly of course). The waiting room was dead silent the entire time and I was surprised when I didn't fall asleep, Sora didn't even need to help me. If anything, by 8:30 I was only growing more awake, becoming more and more aware that Riku might not be okay by the second. I tried to keep these thoughts out of my head though.  
  
All this time I had been waiting for the doctor to come in and I had had no prior idea that I would be so scared when I saw him walking down the hall. My heart slipped another beat and I became nauseous again. I was simply terrified. I wanted to cover up my ears and scream, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, but instead, I stood up and walked over to him, Sora followed. I tried to read the expression on his face, but it was difficult. Doctors always have that same serious, somewhat concerned look on their faces; I could never be a doctor.  
  
-Kairi? He asked me, I was shocked.  
  
-Yeah, I responded softly, how did he know my name?  
  
-Oh, Riku asked about you, the doctor assured.  
  
-Really, so he's... awake? I asked now, almost exited, but still terrified.  
  
-I believe his mother is done now, if you want to go see him.  
  
-Done, what's that supposed to mean? I questioned becoming more and more confused. I wasn't thinking straight, it didn't seem to click. Sora grabbed my hand tightly as the doctor leaned up against the desk.  
  
-Well, it seems that what happened to him three days ago did more than just leave a bruise. We almost expected this to happen from the beginning, but even if we kept him then, there still wouldn't have been a way to save him for much longer.  
  
Now I wanted to be confused, tell me that I wasn't hearing correctly, please let me wake up now! I did so much as to nod.  
  
-He's fully conscious now and we have him on life support, but again, we really have no idea how long... his voice trailed off and I prayed for a different answer than the one that I was going to receive.  
  
-How long what? I questioned, my voice breaking. I didn't want to face the pain of reality, I wasn't strong enough. I suppose that I was still half hoping that I was hearing him wrong.  
  
-How long... We'll need to keep him on life support, said the doctor I nodded, the tears coming, but I still wasn't ready to give in.  
  
-So, you mean, you don't know how long you'll need to keep him on life support because you're planning on taking him off and he'll be all better, because it's fixable right! I could feel my tears stinging my face and my words were like acid, burning up my heart. I knew perfectly well that this was just all of my minds' fantasy. –He's coming home... right? My heart skipped more beats, threatening to stop completely. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder and slowly, very slowly, began to shake his head 'no'. I tried to forge a smile, a demented frown even, but my body was entirely numb, I could feel anything. I could still feel Sora gripping my hand tightly, but my grasp fell limp.  
  
-I'm sorry, he said lightly and I tried to nod, but it was more like a pathetic head jolt. Sora began leading me down the hallway. No, I want to go back, bring me back to the waiting room!  
  
We stopped outside the door that Riku's mom stood in front of. She was crying and I couldn't handle seeing her like this. Sora walked up to her, letting go of my hand, and gave her a tight hug.  
  
-You two can g-go in. I'm d-done. She said lightly.  
  
-Are you sure? Sora questioned, she nodded.  
  
-I've said all I need to, I can't stand to look at him any longer because I'm going to miss him to much. She murmured, turning to me, giving me a hug. –Thank you guys, for b-being there for h-him.  
  
-I'll always be your second son, right? Sora questioned. A smile formed on her face and she almost suppressed a small giggle.  
  
-Of course Sora, she said gently and I watches as she walked away, down the hall, to go talk with the doctor.  
  
-You coming? Sora questioned as I shook my head.  
  
-You go first... I'm sure... There's something's that y-you guys need to talk about. I said almost in a whisper. Sora nodded and I leaned up against the wall. I hoped he wouldn't take too long. I waited for only five minutes; it was amazing how two best friends for a lifetime only took five minute to say goodbye. My gaze fell upon Sora as he stepped out of the room slowly, avoiding my gaze because there were tears in his eyes. He quickly whipped them away and bit his lower lip so hard it looked like it was about to fall off. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that something inside of him had just died.  
  
Sora held the door open for me and I stepped into the tiny room. I closed the door behind me as I entered. I tried to avoid his gaze, I tried to hold back the tears that seemed to have stopped, once again threatening to come, to never stop coming.  
  
-Oh my god, I whimpered under my breath in an awkwardly high voice as I drew my hand to my mouth, I clearly wasn't strong enough to handle this. He sighed and I sat down in the chair by his bed. I couldn't look at him, so I looked out the window into the dark abyss of the night. I felt his hand take hold of the area under my chin, moving my head in his direction. His eye brows were raised in a playful position, I bit my lip hard and my expression turned soft. I took his hand in both of mine and held onto it tightly.  
  
Hmmm... What to say to a dying person? Kairi, that wasn't funny!  
  
-I'm sorry, he said weakly.  
  
-For what? I questioned.  
  
-For... Never finishing our dance... for ruining our night... for dy... I stopped him right there as I brought my finger to his lips.  
  
-Not at all Riku, I couldn't continue. I took my hand back and wrapped it around his again. The tears coming so close to the rims of my eyes I was counting down the seconds until the fell.  
  
-I'll see you again Kairi, he whispered.  
  
-No... Don't be saying your goodbye's, not yet, no one is going anywhere... I'm not ready, I shouted quietly, extremely quietly.  
  
-Kairi...  
  
-Mo Riku, please. I'm ready for this now, not tonight. Give me one more night, just one more... it...it can't end this way! I exclaimed through the barrier of tears that were freely flowing down my face.  
  
-There's nothing anyone can do.  
  
-Just one more night, I pleaded mumbling now as I looked down at his hand. He brought it up to my face and whipped away all of my tears.  
  
-Kairi please... I can't stand to see you like this; it's breaking my heart. He said almost silently. I held his hand up to my face and closed my eyes taking deep breaths. I couldn't handle this right now, I only wished that the director would yell 'cut; from the background and we could start tonight over, start the summer over, start our lives over. Know I knew what I would do differently.  
  
-You're my whole world Riku, I whispered. He sighed again.  
  
-Think of it this way... Now there's no decision. You can't make a mistake, I mean, who's better than Sora? Riku smiled dumbly.  
  
_I don't want Sora, I want you, I need you! I begged.  
  
-If Sora ever heard you say that he'd shoot himself.  
  
-I don't care! Look I'm just trying to get... My point across... I stopped and gulped back more tears. –I love you Riku, he smiled, I knew he knew that I was giving into him, saying goodbye.  
  
-But I won't say goodbye, I said weakly, giving into the tears as well. All over again.  
  
-Goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi... he whispered over again as he traced the side of my face with the side of his fingers.  
  
-Is there anything... that I can do for you? I questioned so quietly that the heart monitor drowned out my words. He slowly shook his head and I could tell that he was lying.  
  
-Well... you could... kiss me, just once, you know... Would be nice... he mumbled as I nodded approvingly, figuring that it would be really something for the both of us. I stood up and leaded over him, my hair falling into his face running into his own. Our eyes were parallel, lost within one another's until our lips found each other and we were lost, lost in a deep passionate, but not too intense, kiss as the tears only increased, making it hard for me to breath. Now it was final, I couldn't live without him. I pulled away looking down at bed sheets. Yes, the wonderful, white, cotton bed sheets. I became over whelmingly sad again, falling into another deep depressive rambling state, but no... It cut deeper than that, I was too sad to be depressed.  
  
Looked back into his eyes and it tore at my heart knowing that this would be the last time I would see them in person. The last time I would talk to him, hear his voice. The last time...  
  
-Are you scared? I questioned, taking tighter hold of his hand again.  
  
-Are you kidding, terrified, he replied weakly. I hadn't really thought about it, but really, I needed to be strong for him right now. I mean, I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't the one dying. Riku was, he didn't get a second chance, this was it... the end.  
  
-I'm trying to be strong, really... I am, I almost whispered it.  
  
-You don't have to be, that's why I am here, he smiled, trying to wipe away my tears again, but they refused to stop this time.  
  
-But what if I need you, tomorrow... or a year from now?  
  
-I'll be there... You'll always have me Kairi, I'm always right there... Holding your left hand. I forced a small smile (amazing!).  
  
-I love you... I said again, I just wanted it to sink in.  
  
-I know, he replied, his voice was getting weaker, I could tell.  
  
-I just wish... I could go with you, I mumbled chocking on tears, chocking on the sadness. I saw his bottom lip start to quiver and bit down on it hard, tears formed on the rims of his eyes.  
  
-I know... I'm sorry that this had to happen. He responded just a single tear escaped. –But it's still our night, right? He questioned gripping my hands tighter and tighter.  
  
-I'll love you forever Riku, I promise, I'll never forget, I said quietly through the tears. I could hear the beeps on the heart monitor get further apart. No, I still wasn't ready, I could never be ready, even forever was too soon.  
  
-I... love you too, he whispered looking at the ceiling. Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes! –Goodbye Kairi, his eyes fell... the heart monitor beat a straight line... his chest fell for the last time... A tear fell from my face... my heart stopped completely... gone.  
  
******* 


	13. When a Lifetime Ends

*******  
  
I sat in the chair, waiting for reality to hit, still waiting to wake up, or him to wake up. My tears wouldn't stop, but they were silent, I was silent. Slowly, I knew I had to leave, I inched my chair away from the bed and let go of his hand, feeling his skin on mine for the last time. I stumbled to my feet, trying to find my balance. I ran my hand through his silver hair, feeling how lifeless he felt. He was really pale, but I guess you can't really expect anything else, can you... considering his condition. I pulled away from the bedside and headed to the door. I slowly pushed it open and held the wall tightly with my left hand. I let out a loud sob as Sora approached me and I ran into him, falling into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist. He held me tightly, rocking me back and forth, my sobbing only got louder. I couldn't speak, I felt so numb, it didn't seem real anymore, none of this seemed real.  
  
I heard some people enter the room as Sora pulled me away. I had to get out of here, this place; I never wanted to see a hospital for the rest of my life.  
  
Sora led me to the waiting room where we met Riku's mom, Sora's mom, and my mom. I watched as Sora's mom went to hug him and my I stepped up, giving my mom a quick hug. I looked down to the floor and noticed that I was trembling, but I wasn't cold at all. I refused to look at anyone as I horridly wiped the tears from my face.  
  
-If you two don't mind, the three of us are planning to stay the night at Rik... at Mrs. (What the heck is Riku's last name!!!)'s house. You think maybe you could stay with Kairi? Sora's mom questioned him. I'd like that, I really would. Sora nodded and so did his mom. –Oh yeah, and I'll drive you home, said his mom sternly. I could tell Sora wanted to laugh, but he couldn't.  
  
-We'll be staying here, to work out some things, said my mom. Really, my mom. Of all people it should have been Sora's mom, but I didn't question it. I followed Sora, as he followed his mom, to the two, large, mechanically opening glass doors that led out to the parking lot. When I first stepped outside it felt like a slap in the face. The wind was fighting harshly, whisping my hair around, even knocking me around. I grabbed Sora's hand and accidentally reached to my left, as I forgot that Riku wasn't there. Now my left hand was lonely again, only this time it wasn't going to last for only two days. I sighed as I tucked my left hand into a pocket and settled it there. Now I was shivering for a reason, but it was confusing, it was never cold here. Sometimes it was cool, but never cold.  
  
We got into the car and I watched as the hospital backed out of sight, as I physically became further away from Riku, physically and mentally. I guess I must have been really tired because I fell asleep on the way. My head fell onto Sora's shoulder and I fell asleep instantly. This was a good thing though, because heaven knows that it usually takes hours for me to fall asleep after something big has happened and I can't get the thoughts out of my head.  
  
The next thing that I remember is waking up in Sora's bed. I looked around as I noticed I was in his room, no question. I slowly began to sit up, my head hurt and I have no idea why. It was probably from crying so much. I was still in my dress, I wanted to get out of it, to throw it on the ground and step on it, but I restrained from doing that... especially considering the fact that this was not my house, nor my room. I walked over to the door, naturally knowing where it was even though it was dark. I stepped out into a light filled hallway. I walked down it and descended a flight of stairs and found myself standing in the kitchen. I saw Sora lying on the couch, I could tell he had been crying because his eyes were red and his face was dry (as in he was rubbing it...). I slowly advanced into the kitchen without him noticing that I was there and I aimlessly walked over to the table. On it sat a bag, with my clothes in it?  
  
-Oh, your mom dropped that off, he said in a weak tone. I nodded and picked the bag up. I suppose that changing now is better than later. I walked over to the bathroom and I could feel his eyes on my as I shut the door. I changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a red tank top; I slipped on a red sweater and carelessly shoved my dress into the bag. I walked back to the couch and sat down next to him. We were silent for a few moments, nothing to say. Sora had changed into a pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt. I let out a large sigh.  
  
-What time is it? I questioned as I looked down at the coffee table.  
  
-1:30, he replied like it was 1:30 in the afternoon, not at night. My eyes grew wide; I had been sleeping for a good few hours. I yawned, I was still tired. –Why don't you go back to bed? Sora suggested. I shook my head.  
  
-I'm not... Tired, I lied suppressing another yawn.  
  
-Yes you are, Sora replied as he examined his own fingers. I couldn't help the fact that I wanted to sleep, that I wanted to die even. I closed my eyes and leaned onto Sora's shoulder again, just like in the car. This time I did it totally on accident, completely.  
  
Sora leaned back onto the couch, falling down as he lifted his legs off of the floor and put them behind me. I fell back onto him, my head falling right on his chest. I felt him take a deep breath and then he reached up and turned off the light on the side table. The room went completely dark except for the light of the moon streaming in from the window above the couch. It made eerie shadows across his living room. I closed my eyes for good this time and began to drift off into another dreamless sleep. He reached an arm across my stomach, but for some reason, I didn't mind it, I liked it. I laced my fingers through his, I loved Sora so much, he couldn't imagine. He was my comfort object and I never wanted to leave his side ever again. Now that Riku was gone, I needed someone to be my left and right, I needed someone to be my two best friends, I needed Sora, but I need Sora to be Riku too.  
  
-Never leave me Sora, I whispered, not entirely meaning to say that out loud, but oh well.  
  
-I won't, he said quietly in my ear. I smiled, a microscopic smile, but a smile nonetheless.  
  
***  
  
The next morning I woke up, still in the same spot, still on top of the same sleeping person. I kept my eyes closed, I wanted to fall back asleep, but I couldn't. The early day sunlight bled in through my eyes lids. I slowly blinked my eyes open and saw a completely illuminated room. I looked down at my hand, still laced through Sora's. His grip was so loose that I don't think it would even be considered a grip at all. I felt the steady pace of his breathing and heard him almost silently snoring. Usually I hate it when people snore, but it was almost comforting hearing it from him. I tightened my grip on his hand and I felt him squeeze back, maybe he was awake too.  
  
-Sora? I questioned in a whisper. I felt him move a little from under me.  
  
-Yea... he replied softly. I didn't say anything, wondering what he was thinking about.  
  
We stayed where we were, in silence for a few more minutes, almost thirty minutes actually, I was really quite comfortable. I sat up; his hand ran down to my waist as he pulled it away.  
  
-Are you hungry? He asked, looking up at me. I shook my head, I couldn't eat, and I wouldn't be surprised if I never ate anything again. He sighed and sat up too.  
  
What a turn for the worst.  
  
Suddenly the front door swung open. I was half expecting it to be the wind. I suppose it still could have been the wind if the wind had unusually taken the form of a girl wearing a yellow dress. What the heck was I thinking? I think I am going crazy, delirious maybe.  
  
-Hi, Kairi... Your mom said that I would find you here. Hi Sora... So what's up you guys, I tried calling you about a million times last night! The dance was canceled after you left and everyone went home. I wanted to go to the hospital and stuff, but my parents weren't home. I was worried sick! So how's Riku? She questioned out of breath taking a seat on the chair next to the couch. Dear god, she didn't know? Word usually travels fast on this island... How could she not know!?! I looked to the floor, not wanting to answer her question. Sora was silent too and Selphie's face was getting worried. –That bad... huh? She questioned. Obviously she still didn't quite understand and I could feel my eyes nearly drowning in tears just thinking about it. I quickly tried to wipe them away, but Selphie noticed before I got a chance to. –Is he still... He didn't...? I nodded slowly. Selphie gasped and I could see her lean back into the chair out of the corner of my eye.  
  
I didn't like where this conversation was heading, I didn't want to talk about it. I still wasn't ready to let go, I was still half expecting him to be at home, in his bed, I don't really know. It was like last night was just a bad dream and now I have a new day to start over. It's Friday again... it has to be!  
  
-I'm sure you two don't want to talk about it, huh? She questioned sadly. I shook my head and could tell that out of the corner of my eye, Sora was shaking his head too. The three of us sat there for a few moments in silence. It is amazing how a lifetime can end so quickly, how the greatest day of your life can easily turn into the worst. Why today, why not tomorrow... yesterday was when forever ended, our worlds came to a complete stop and I had no idea how to even begin to start it back up again. He had so much to live for, he had his future planned out, and he knew what he wanted. Why did fate choose him? Why not me, someone as useless as me deserves to die, but Riku didn't. Sometimes fate has its tricky was of playing with us. All I ask is why did it have to play this hard, why did it have to end this way? I think that we can all agree that fate got a little carried away this time, and there was nothing that anyone can do to change that. This isn't something that can be fixed. There's a permanent hole in my heart and it doesn't seem to want to heal. Relationships I can deal with, but I had never met death before. I don't think that I like it very much, because it's so irreversible. There is no antidote for my pain and I don't think it's only temporary because this is something that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. But at least I still had a life... At least I get to watch the sunset just once more... at least I still had Sora, and he wasn't leaving me, I wouldn't let him. 


	14. Memories are Tough

(A/N) I know that the recent chapters have been a little 'difficult', but I hope this one will heighten your spirits again. My Dicey is on full blast today and I'm not letting it go to waist! Of course, it may be kind of tear jerky, but it's happy tears... at least I hope so.  
  
*******  
  
Thankfully the silence of the room only lasted for a few moments. The door once again swung open and in came my mom carrying a huge cardboard box. Followed by her were Riku's and Sora's mothers carrying nothing.  
  
-Here Kairi, said my mom placing the box in my lap. My goodness it was heavy, what was it? I opened up the lid to find that it was a box of my pictures. Every single picture that I had ever taken since I knew how to use a camera.  
  
-What's this for? I questioned staring up at her. I was hit with the bat of realization a moment too late and didn't want her to answer.  
  
-Well, you know... Yes I did know.  
  
-Okay, I said as I put the box onto the coffee table.  
  
-The three of us have to go out and do some things. We may not be back until this evening so try and find something to eat. Said Sora's mom. Sora nodded slowly and our mothers walked over to the door.  
  
-If you want, there are some more pictures at my house in the attic. Riku's mom pointed out. I nodded; I don't think we'd be going there today.  
  
When the others left I took the box and put it back in my lap.  
  
-What is it? Sora questioned as he scooted down the couch getting closer to my side.  
  
-Pictures, I responded as I pulled out a small paper packet. I set the box back down and Selphie came to sit on my other side. I opened up the packet and pulled out an inch thick stack of pictures. I set the packet on top of the box. The first picture was one of Sora running on the beach. That was only two years ago when he was twelve. He had that impish smile on his face that only made me grin back at it. I went to the next picture, this one was of Wakka. He was holding his ball over his head and smiling up at the sky. I giggled; it had been a long time since I had seen that face. I went to the next picture; this one was of Tidus beating down Selphie with his stick. I giggled even more.  
  
-It's not funny! Selphie exclaimed. I sighed and turned to the next picture. This one was of me lying on the poupu fruit tree. I obviously hadn't taken this one... I wondered who high jacked my camera and took it. I went to the next picture, this one of Riku, yep, definitely a keeper. He was standing against the wooden shack with his arms crossed in front of his chest as he stared out over the ocean. He doesn't like getting his picture taken and he nearly killed me after he saw me sneak up behind him and take a shot. I sighed and set this one to the side. We looked through the rest of this pile, no more pictures of Riku, but there was one of the dock, one of a bird, and a few more of Tidus and Selphie. I reached down into the box and took out three more packets. I handed one to Selphie and Sora and they looked through them as well.  
  
Mine was from the time when all three of our families had taken a joint vacation to Destiny Islands' Disney World (LMAO!). This was a heavy one because I bought a roll of film that guaranteed it would last me the ENTIRE time; which it didn't by the way. There were pictures of Minnie mouse and me, a picture of Sora, Donald, and goofy (lmao), a picture of Riku looking like he was about to punch Mickey mouse. There was a picture I took of Riku on the monorail; he was staring out the window at Epcot. Then there were a few good pictures of our house where we stayed. It was quite a nice house, I remember. I especially liked the bathroom... There was this one picture though, that I had always really liked, it was of Riku giving me a piggyback ride in animal kingdom. I had given Sora my camera to hold on to, of course I told him not to take any pictures, but he never listens anyway. I almost started crying as I looked at it. It had only been last February that we had gone and I wanted to go back so badly. I wanted Riku to give me a piggyback ride in animal kingdom and I wanted Sora to not listen to me and a take a picture of it again. I set this picture aside with the others. The next picture was one of Sora and Riku. This picture was my best friend, I swear. The two of them would never have me take their picture, together. Its funny how they were best friends and yet, I never got a good picture of them together, except for this one. I smiled sadly to myself as I looked down on it, another tear threatening to cross the barrier. I set this one with the others.  
  
After about an hour of looking through the box of pictures I found myself growing horribly sad. I didn't know how to explain it, but it was almost like Riku lived on in them. When I looked at a picture of him, it was almost like he was here... or I was there. I missed him so much, and right now I jut wanted to hold his hand, to touch his face. I needed to hear his voice just once more. It felt like someone was cutting off the circulation to my heart and the pain in my chest grew worse. I set all the pictures, in my, hand back in the box. I figured we had enough... eh? We sure had enough to fill up a small album. Sora and Selphie had been looking through them too. I watched as Sora dug down into the box and pulled out a videocassette. Strange, I don't remember ever filming anything, hmmm... I watched also as Sora took it and put it into the VCR and turned on the TV.  
  
-What is it? I questioned softly as he sat back down and pressed play. I almost gagged, it was a home video from our trip to Disney, I remember now. That was when my mom had just bought a new video camera and she let me use it. We watched it; I won't even go into detail. It was kind of funny because I only shot clips of stupid things, like Sora falling down the stairs and Riku throwing Sora into the pool and then Riku throwing me into the pool and then Sora trying to throw Riku into the pool as Riku, again, threw Sora into the pool. Then there was some of Sora chasing a squirrel down the street. Then there was a small clip of Riku sleeping on the airplane. I definitely did not shoot that one; I probably just leaned on the 'record' button in my sleep... yes, that was it.  
  
-That was exiting, Sora mumbled as he then ejected the tape and put it back in the box. –Is anyone hungry? He questioned as he got up and moved into the kitchen. I shook my head as Selphie shot up behind him and threw her hand into the air.  
  
-I most definitely am! She exclaimed as she put her packet of pictures back into the box. I frowned and picked up the pile of selected pictures of Riku. I looked through them again. There was actually a lot of him when he was younger, the days when I had time to take pictures. I sighed loudly as I came across one of Sora, Riku, and I as we sat on the poupu fruit tree, well, Sora and I were sitting and Riku was standing. The sun was setting behind us, I believe that Selphie had taken this picture, I almost remember this night. I smiled as I went through the pile more. There was, I guessed, almost thirty pictures here, 'twas amazing.  
  
-Oh, Kairi... here, said Selphie as she handed me a small packet of pictures. I took them, but I felt myself grow confused... why was Selphie handing me pictures?  
  
-What's this? I questioned as I took the pictures out of the packet. I hadn't taken these.  
  
-Oh... just some things... said Selphie in a sneaky tone. The first picture was almost intriguing. I sat up and looked at it. It was from the day that I had to leave for camp. There was one of my hugging Sora, me hugging Riku (I put this one to the side), there was one of Sora and Riku waving goodbye (also to the side), there was one of me waving goodbye, and then there was one of Selphie waving goodbye? Hmmm... then there were about twenty of Tidus, it was almost like a slide show. After the last picture of Tidus there were three pictures of the day when we came back from camp (me and Selphie that is). There was one of me looking up as Sora in amazement (he had gotten quite tall). This one made me laugh and I put it my own separate pile. The next one was of me hugging Riku, again, and the third one was of Selphie crying. She was just so sad that Tidus wasn't there to welcome ere back and I thought that it would be funny to take a picture of that.  
  
-These are great Selph. I said lightly.  
  
-Wait, there's one more, she said as she pushed me on. I turned to the last picture and I actually felt my heart skip a couple of beats, ready to stop completely. It was the picture that she had taken last night, before the dance. Oh my god. That did it, I broke; Tears began to pour (well not actually pour) out of my eyes and down my face. That picture just described everything that I had felt last night, before the dance that is. The sun was setting over the ocean behind us. The three of us were all smiling. I was so cute, for lack of a better word. I wanted to just go into the picture, to go back to that exact moment. It hurt so much just to look at it, so I set it down with the other 'keepers' and I stood up. I wrapped my arms around Selphie, my tears unwilling to stop; in fact I wasn't even trying to stop them at this point.  
  
-Thank you Selphie, I whispered. –You have no idea how much this means to me. Selphie hugged me in return.  
  
-No problem Kai, that's what I'm here for. She smiled as she patted my shoulders lightly and walked back into the kitchen where Sora was searching his cabinets endlessly.  
  
I sat back down on the couch and pushed everything onto the coffee table. I knew that things weren't going to be easy from now on. I spent the rest of the day just sitting there, waiting. Waiting for what? I have no idea... When our parents got back they brought Chinese and I had a little bit, but not too much at all. The explained to us the plan of next week, that the three of us would only be missing one day because school was important. I couldn't think about school my god! Who really cares about education, again stated, if knowledge is power and power leads to corruptions then school is just teaching us who to kill each other.  
  
So anyway, I guess tomorrow we were doing that funeral home thing, not the actual 'funeral' but the 'celebration of life'. Whatever, it's all crap if you ask me, I didn't want to think about it because I knew that if I went to all these things that it would eventually hit that he was really gone. Still now I am waiting for him to come through the door, to be on an extended vacation. I didn't want closer, not yet at least.  
  
The actual funeral was going to be on Monday, it was going to be private, invitation only kind of thing. I liked those best because then I wouldn't end up running into people that I didn't want to see. Then on Tuesday the school was going to hold an assembly in the gym. Of course, when our moms got inside they just started planning. I didn't want to help because, as above stated, I still believed he was alive. So I left the room and went upstairs to Sora's room. He came too, but Selphie stayed down there to make sure they wouldn't make any decisions that I wouldn't like.  
  
Once in Sora's room I went to go sit on his bed. He walked over too, but once he got on his bed he began to open his window. It was pretty late and the sun had already set. Tonight was very foggy, but it was a mixture of clouds and a warm breeze, it was eerie. So eerie that it was kind of pretty. Sora stepped out of his window onto his roof. I remember the three of us (sometimes it was just Sora and me) would sit out there at night when we were too lazy to go down to the beach. I followed Sora out, staying low to the ground afraid of falling off. I mean, it really was no danger, but just in case, I am a very cautious person. I sat down next to him, but a little further back. His feet were dangling dangerously off the edge and I would be worried I'd fall off and land flat on my face two stories and a rose bush down.  
  
-Are you okay...? He questioned lightly as he looked over across the ocean. I shook my head slowly.  
  
-No, I replied in a small voice. I looked over at him, his eyes lost in the darkness, his face drawn up in the blankest expression that I had ever seen. –I don't think I'll ever be okay again.  
  
-Yeah you will... It'll get easier. He said gently.  
  
-I don't want it to get easier; I never wanted it to get hard. I responded lightly. Oh god Kairi, don't cry again.  
  
Sora sighed, thinking of what to say. Oh yeah Sora, choose your words carefully, don't want to make me cry even more. Where did this sudden urge of anger come from? I don't know, I just decided to keep my mouth shut because I could tell I'd probably find a way to yell at him.  
  
-It's just; it seems like just yesterday the three of us were together... Really together, you know what I mean? I questioned. Sora nodded, I think he understood. –I know I wanted things to get better between the three of us, I wanted all the feelings to go away, but this was not how I was expecting it be solved. I said in almost a whisper.  
  
-I don't think any of us were, Sora replied.  
  
-Is it okay, if we just take a break for a while; a break from fighting and like... relationships and stuff? I questioned. Sora nodded.  
  
-Yeah, of course, he replied lightly. I could tell that he wanted the same thing by the sincerity of his voice.  
  
-And... I don't want to hurt you Sora, really. I said quietly. –I love you just as much as I love him and you know that. It's just I think I really need to heal a little before I cans start thinking about us.  
  
-Forget about it, I know. Riku was my best friend Kairi; I don't think that I'm really on the basis of discussing that either. I smiled, Sora always seemed to understand. I knew, somehow, that he really didn't mean any of it though. –Right now, I am here to help you through it, He said.  
  
-I'd say the same for you, but I don't think that I'll be of much help, I replied. He smiled.  
  
-Believe me Kairi, you just sitting there is all the help I need. Well this was good; at least I didn't have to do much, but sit, as above-mentioned.  
  
We sat in the peaceful silence of each other's company. The whole world fell silent and everything seemed to stop. It was like there was no one but us, us and the sky. The ocean too I suppose because that was clearly there. The wind tussled my hair over to the side and for the octillionth time in the last two days my head found it's way to Sora's shoulder and I kept it there. He rested his head on top of mine. The night air was warm and I wanted to sit out here for as long as possible. I didn't want to go back to the memories, I didn't want to remember. I wanted to move on, to forget, I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to think about anything. I gently closed my eyes and drifted off into another dreamless sleep. 


	15. Running From the Truth

The next day I woke up in my own bed, in my own house. This morning we are going to the funeral home thing. My mom told me to 'dress nicely', so here I find myself, wearing a black skirt that goes just above my knees, tan strappy sandals, a light blue tank-top, and a white, long sleeved, button up, unbuttoned over shirt.  
  
Last night Sora walked Selphie and I home, my mom stayed at his house till the early morning. She was home when I awoke, handing me my camera just I stepped out of my bedroom. –Riku's mother wants you to take some pictures, she had told me; though I wasn't quite sure if they would come out any good seeing as my vision would probably be fogged up by my tears.  
  
After I took one last look at myself, looking all formal and what not, I headed downstairs. I grabbed my camera off my table just as I noticed Sora and Selphie sitting at my counter. Sora was wearing another suit getup, bringing back horrible memories of the other night. Selphie was wearing some thing very similar to that of what I was wearing only her skirt was khaki and her shirt was, what else, yellow.  
  
-Hey, what are you two doing here? I questioned giving them a half smile.  
  
-Your mom is giving us a lift. The 'rents are out and Sora's mom had to drive Riku's because they assisted in... setting up? Yeah I guess so. Selphie explained. I nodded slowly and we stood, sat, there in silence for a few moments.  
  
-So, um... where's my mom anyway? I questioned as I looked around, not seeing her presence anywhere.  
  
-She's in the car; we're just waiting for you, Selphie answered.  
  
-Oh, I replied solemnly. I stood there blankly for a few minutes, pondering what to do. The two of them stood up and I quickly followed as the walked to the door. Duh, we leave. I sat in the passenger seat as Sora and Selphie sat in the back end.  
  
When we got there it seemed almost bizarre, using the term loosely of course. It was really quite odd, I don't know, but when we got out of the car I felt like I was in a completely different world and time entirely. I had never actually been here, or to a funeral, except for when Sora's dad died, but that was when I was five. When we walked inside it was almost like being inside some ones home, henceforth the name 'funeral home' I suppose. There was a small waiting room type area and a long hallway leading, on the right side, to a large room with many chairs and windows. In this room though were bouquets of flowers and all the pictures from yesterday had been organized and put up on little frames and stands. In the very middle of it all was a long wooden case (coffin actually, but I hate that word). No Kairi, don't think about it. So I guess he's in there, huh? Shut up Kairi! Shut up! It's just amazing how he's going to be in that tiny little case for the rest of forever... LA LA LA! I can't hear me!  
  
-Kairi... Are you feeling okay? Selphie questioned as I snapped out of my little schizophrenic episode.  
  
-Huh? Oh yeah... sure. I'm just fine. I assured as I drew my eyes to the opposite wall. Ahhh... Monet.  
  
I figured, besides Riku and Sora's mother's, that we were the only ones here. I was pretty sure that the rest of Riku's family would be coming, though his family wasn't really that big.  
  
-Come on Kairi, you'll have to go in sooner or later, Selphie insisted as she took my arm and pulled me along. I struggled at first, but eventually gave in and let her lead me through. The first display was a few pictures of Riku and his parents. Surrounding them were yellow roses and carnations and some lilies; Riku's favourite flowers were lilies. Next there was a bunch of pictures of Riku and Sora. Pictures of them from the when they were, like, three. More yellow roses with some white ones now too. I guess all of the yellow kind of made sense, one: yellow stood for friendship, two: yellow was his favourite colour. I'm guessing Selphie must have had something to do with the displays though, because I had only seen this much yellow before in one place, her bedroom. Next we came upon a waist height table, with the coffin *shudders* on it. Next to it was the picture of him I had taken a year ago on the beach and to the other side was the picture of the three of us that Selphie had taken the other night. I don't know, but there was just something about that picture that brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it was the fact that only two hours later he died, or the fact that he looked sooo good, or maybe it was just the fact that I missed that moment. Whatever the reason, I was on the verge of hysterical tears again. I reached my hand out to my right and took hold of Sora's.  
  
There were also a few vases of pink and white roses. Some yellow carnations and a few more lilies. There was also a small wooden heart engraved with the words, 'always in our hearts'. It made me smile. We moved on to the next display, this one was a collection of pictures of Riku and me. Surrounding this little 'collage' was pink and red roses. I noticed the pattern: yellow, yellow/ white, white/ pink, pink/ red; hee hee that was cleaver. Next we walked passed a row of chairs to the other side of the room. Here on the other side of the room there stood a collection of all of the remaining pictures. There were random pictures of Riku that I had taken, random pictures of little Riku, and group pictures of him and his family and friends. I was happy to see that they had put some more lilies by these pictures because he really did like them; I'm not just saying that because I like them...  
  
-So Kairi... I jumped at the sound of my name as I turned around quickly and came face-to-face with my mother. –You going to take some pictures now... you know... before everyone arrives? My mother asked. I nodded in reply and began to advance to the other side of the room. I took about ten pictures, at five different angles, in four separate areas. When I rolled back the film I noticed that people had started to arrive. I walked back over to Sora and Selphie where we sat on the couch.  
  
As the day wore on, we sat and talked to people. Just about everyone knew who Sora and I were. Of course I knew who everyone else was too, but I really wasn't expecting complete strangers to call me by name when we hadn't yet had a formal introduction. Of course no one knew who Selphie was, she was the 'mystery girl in the yellow shirt'.  
  
Riku had two aunts, an uncle, a grandfather, and five cousins. The only one that talked to me was Steve. Steve was the son of his aunt Candace and uncle Brent. Steve had two siblings, there was the 15-year-old slut (I'm sorry, that's using the term lightly of course) Hollis, and then there was the 13-year-old Mike. Then there was his aunt Michelle who had two sons, 2- year-old Scottie and 14-year-old Lulu. Boys were obviously very common in his family.  
  
Well, anyway, Tidus had shown up. He was apparently still on 'prep school vacation'. The day progressed slowly as Selphie went to hang out with Hollis and Tidus was teaching Mike how to kill someone even if your hands and feet are tied behind your back. Lulu was kind of weird, we didn't communicate with him too much. Not that we didn't want to, but it was hard. He spoke fluent Gibberish and he most definitely preferred it to English. That left Sora and I to talk to Steve... and to watch Scottie. Of course Sora wasn't very capable, so it really just me left to watch Scottie.  
  
I sat on the couch next to Sora as I playfully bounced Scottie up and down on my legs.  
  
-So, um... What really happened? Steve questioned as I felt myself tense up. Come on Steve, I thought that you were cool...  
  
-It was two days ago... around eight o'clock... Sora began.  
  
-No, dude, I know that. I mean, like... where you there? Did you talk to him? I nodded, okay new subject. –Was he miserable? Steve questioned.  
  
-Only regretted one thing, said Sora sadly.  
  
-Oh, and what was this? I questioned. Riku hadn't told me he regretted anything. Well... unless you count the fact that he knew that was killing me slowly be leaving, and how we never finished dancing, and how he left on our night. Of all skukking nights it had to be our night. Okay... I'm done.  
  
-He said that he only regretted that he never got a chance to kiss you, Sora smiled. I'm supposing that he was only smiling because he had never kissed me. But it was true, when Sora and him were talking, he had never kissed me. But lets fast forward a little bit and, oh yes... He did! I smiled now and Sora's smile faded a little. –What? He questioned impishly.  
  
-Nothing, I replied. I couldn't tell Sora that I kissed him... could I? No way, never!  
  
-You... Sora accused as he pointed a finger right in my face.  
  
-I swear, I didn't kiss him! I lied playfully as I cut him off.  
  
-Well fine then... we'll just see about that, said Sora as he sat back and crossed his arms.  
  
-What, do you think that you're going to ask him or something? I questioned. That's sure what it sounded like.  
  
-No...  
  
-Then how do you ever plan on finding out? I asked.  
  
-I... just will, he smirked gleefully.  
  
-Surrre, I replied as I took hold of Scotties hands and began playing with him again.  
  
-Were you, like, his girlfriend or something? Steve questioned. Well that sure was a stupid question.  
  
-No, I replied as Sora said yes. I looked at him, this was wrong in two ways. One: The questioned was aimed at me, which was rude to answer for someone else. Two: Sora above all people knew very well that Riku and I were not a 'couple'. –Sora? I questioned.  
  
-What, it's not like you weren't. I mean... I don't know what I mean, never mind.  
  
-Okay... So weren't you guys at a dance or something? That's kind of sad... said Steve. I nodded as I looked down at me feet. Well, as close as my feet as I could get... which is more along the lines of Scottie's feet. I nodded and could tell that Sora did too. Okay, I am really serious now... new subject!!! Just as that thought left my head a bunch of people sat down in chairs. I looked up and noticed Riku's mom was standing at the front of the room, apparently trying to get everyone's attention.  
  
-Um... I just want to thank you all for coming. Said Riku's mom slowly. -Err, I hope to see you all tomorrow at the church. Riku's mom sighed and looked down at the floor. –If any one wants to say anything, now would be a nice time. Sora's mom stood up.  
  
-If you'd like to come to over to the house after this for food, every one is welcome, she smiled. She sat back down, but then she stood back up. –Sora? Would you like to put in a word? She questioned. Sora's eyes widened. He didn't like public speaking very much. Not that this was much of a 'public', I could still tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want to be singled out.  
  
-Err... sure, he said as he stood up and walked to the front if the room. He cleared his throat and I saw his mom give him a reassuring nod. –Err, Riku... what is there to say really? We were best friends ever since we were born. Well, me at least... he's a year older than me so I guess I wasn't really 'always' his friend so to say. Sora shifted his weight almost nervously. –But still, he was a good guy. He was pretty good at math, and he was cleaver, and quick. He was good at puzzles and he liked mineral water. He could beat me up pretty good as well. I always idolized him, not just as a best friend, but kind of like an older brother. I always looked up to him, even though I rarely showed it. He was so much better than me and I just wanted to be like him so much. He had everything, a good life, good friends, he was smart and funny. He was quite popular, but he still hung out with me. No matter how stupid I acted or how dumb I was, he was always there. He never said no when I asked him for help. Sure, he was kind of stubborn and withdrawn sometimes, but I think we're all kind of like that. He really was my best friend, and he didn't deserve to die. He had so much going for him, he had his future planned out, and he knew what he was going to do with his life. I'm just sad that it had to end so quickly. Sure he had sixteen years, but is that really enough time to live? Not really. Um... thank you? Sora smiled quickly and then walked away and sat back down next to me. The room began applauded, heaven knows why, and then after a few moments of silence, quick chatter rose back up again.  
  
-Sora, that was beautiful, I said sweetly. He shrugged. –I never would have guessed that you thought if him that way.  
  
-Yeah, well... Sora's voice trailed off just as Riku's mom stepped up to us.  
  
-Kairi, It's okay if you don't want to... But I would really like it if you were to say something at the funeral tomorrow. You two were so close, you knew him better than I think just about anyone.  
  
-Well, what about Sora? I questioned.  
  
-I don't think so... today was enough, Sora sighed loudly. Riku's mom eyed me.  
  
-But... What would I say? I questioned madly.  
  
-I don't know. You'd do a better job then me. Come on Kairi... You're good at this kind of stuff. She insisted. I sighed, why would I say no? I mean, I was in love with him. I still am. I was just afraid that I would be to depressed to say anything, crying to hard to be able to speak. Today, I was okay. This place was homey, but I know what funerals are like. I can't stand them one bit, Just the feeling of sadness and the constant talk of death. Everyone is in black and there really is no sign of happiness. No one is smiling, it's almost as if the world is in black and white. Like a sheet of angst has been put over the world and nothing is like it really is.  
  
-Kairi? Sora questioned. I looked up, must have been daydreaming again.  
  
-Huh? Oh yea, I'll say something, I responded monotonously.  
  
-I'm glad, Riku's mom smiled as she walked away to go talk to people. I looked around the room. That's when it hit me, where was Riku's dad? I mean, he had to have been invited; he's his dad, right? Of course, it was kind of all his fault. If it weren't for Riku's dad and his stupid anger management problems then Riku would still be here. I suddenly became very upset with that thought.  
  
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking to different people. It was kind of sweet, the feeling I had. Everyone in his family had stories and I enjoyed hearing them. They were happy stories about things that happened years ago on holidays and family events. I found out a lot of things about Riku that I hadn't previously known. For example: he had a cat once. I always thought he hated cats, but apparently he didn't. I also learned that he had broken his leg five times before and that he also broke his arm once. I never knew that he knew how to play the piano. I also never knew that he played soccer. I knew that Sora played soccer, but not Riku.  
  
When it was around 4:30 most everyone began leaving. I was pretty sure that everybody was going back to Riku's house for food... and stuff. I rode with my mom. Tidus and Selphie came with me, but Sora went with his mother. When we got to Riku's house everyone was there. Most everybody was in the living room or in the kitchen. There was a lot of food and mindless conversation. Riku's mom had also pulled out a bunch of old photo albums.  
  
It all got old fast and I was beginning to get a headache. I took my coke and went outside on the stoop. I sat down on the first step and noticed Lulu sitting on the one below mine.  
  
-Hi Lu, I said as I took a sip of coke.  
  
-Hidagellidago, he greeted. I slipped down to the step he was sitting on and frowned. He was so impossible. But somehow, I knew that there was something more to him, something that people didn't often see; probably never saw.  
  
-We don't have to talk; I can't speak Gibberish very well. I responded truthfully. In fact, I couldn't speak Gibberish at all, not even a little bit. But I decided to talk to him. Nobody ever talked to him and I felt bad. –So, um, were you any close to Riku? I questioned. Lulu nodded slowly. I really wasn't expecting that, of all people, he was close to Lulu? I nodded in response. How is one supposed to reply to that?  
  
We sat in silence for a few moments. –I was there when he died. I said bravely. What was I thinking? Well, I was really just saying everything that I had been thinking for the passed couple of days. And who better to tell than Lulu? He didn't interrupt, he didn't talk back. He just sat there and listened. –I was sitting right there next to him, just waiting. It just hurt to look at him because I knew that it was the last time that I was going to get a chance to look at him. And I felt so helpless, because there was nothing I could, nothing anyone could do.  
  
-That must have been tough, Lulu responded shockingly. Wow, I got him to talk.  
  
-It was, I nodded. I could feel a ball creep up my throat. The image of him in the hospital was in my head now, my mind replaying scenes from that night.  
  
-At least you got to say good-bye though, right? I shook my head.  
  
-I never said goodbye. I couldn't. It was like I was in some kind of coma that night; I didn't seem to think any of it was real. I kept telling myself that I was going to wake up any minute and that everything was going to be okay. I said gulping back tears, trying as hard as I could not to cry.  
  
-Oh, Lulu responded lightly. –Riku and I used to talk a lot. He was the only person in this family who talked to me. He used to talk about you all the time. In fact, you were just about the only thing he ever talked about, when he talked that is.  
  
-Really? I questioned.  
  
-Yea, he always seemed so happy when he talked about you. There was this certain air in his voice, like he was in another world or something. Lulu explained. –But I knew he loved you, a lot.  
  
-I know, he only told me every day; I smiled as I looked up at the sky. Lulu nodded.  
  
-Do you believe in heaven? He questioned as he, too, was looking up at the stars.  
  
-I don't know. I replied, honestly, I never really thought about it. –Do you? Lulu shrugged.  
  
The sky was very cloudy and a light wind arose through the air.  
  
-It's going to rain tomorrow, said Lulu quietly. I sighed an slowly nodded my head. Suddenly the door behind us opened. I turned around.  
  
-Kairi, your mom wants you to go home. Said Sora as he stepped down and threw me my coat. I grabbed it and put it on. –She's going to stay awhile longer, but she told me to walk you home and to make sure that you go right to bed, Sora winked at me. I smiled lightly and stood up.  
  
-What time is it any way? I questioned feeling myself getting tired.  
  
-Um, around ten thirty. Sora replied. We had been here for five hours already? Man, time really seemed to be slipping away these days.  
  
-Okay, I nodded as I let him take my hand and we walked down the steps. -Bye Lu, see you tomorrow. I waved.  
  
-Gidagoidagodbyidage, Lulu replied lightly we walked down the sidewalk.  
  
-That kid is so weird, Sora said under his breath as we walked into the night. I wanted to defend him, but I was too tired to argue. I also didn't want to bring up the subject of Riku again because I didn't want to have to cry myself to sleep again tonight, even though that was what was going to happen anyway. On the way home, it began to sprinkle lightly. The rain would have felt nice if it wasn't for the cold wind. Winter was slowly coming. But usually it didn't get this cold, especially not in September. It was bizarre.  
  
When we got home I said goodbye to Sora and gave him a quick hug. I walked upstairs and went strait to bed. I had to close my window because the cold breeze was making me... well... cold. The constant thought of Riku wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't help but ask myself how much of it was my fault? I mean, I did hear the conversation Riku's mom and his doctor had on the phone. I knew that it was my fault for not telling him; for not making completely sure that he was okay. I knew that it wasn't a good thing he was having headaches, and I knew that I shouldn't surrender to his stubbornness, but I did. Why did I always have to do that? I was too weak and I had given in too easily. I was so stupid because this whole thing could have been prevented. None of it had to happen at all. I just kept questioning myself, why him? Why not me... or someone that I wasn't in love with? Why hadn't I said goodbye? Why didn't I just die with him? Why did I have to love him? Why did he have to love me back? Why was I still asking these questions when I already knew the answers?  
  
The sound of his voice was my only comfort; the feeling that his hand was tightly around mine was there. His eyes burnt into mine. Right then, I needed him to be here more than ever. It had only been two days but already it felt like an eternity. This was worse than camp, because I hadn't loved him this much then. I knew that he was gone forever and the full reality had hit just a few moments ago. My heart hurt, and so did my head. I wanted Riku to walk through my bedroom door and kiss me good night, to tell me that he loved me one more time. I wanted to hold his hand and fall asleep in his arms. I wanted so much that I could never have. I wanted to die, I wanted to fall asleep forever and never wake up again. I wanted to punch Riku for leaving and I wanted to punch myself for letting him go. I wanted to remember that I loved Sora and that he was still here, but I couldn't. I couldn't love Sora because I loved Riku. I missed Riku too much to love Sora. I wanted Riku to badly to think about Sora. I needed Riku so much that I started crying. I started crying so hard that I was sure that people outside could hear me. The sky cried with me, as I could hear the rain pouring violently outside. It tapped an orchestra against the roof and my window and the wind howled viciously around everything. I felt so alone, so out of it. It felt like the mirror of my life had broken even more, after just being repaired. My life was over, even more than it already had been. I had hit the bottom, crashing into reality. That's when I felt myself drift off, leaving the world of the conscious, submitting myself to sleep. I was afraid to wake up. Dreams numb you from reality and cause you to believe a lie. I was afraid of the truth. It had hurt me too many times before and I had no faith in it anymore. I didn't want to wake up because I knew that he was gone. I didn't want to live a lie, but I didn't want to believe reality either.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) Um... Interesting. I love Lulu!!! You have no idea how hott he is! Okay, I'm done with that. Yes Lulu is based off of a real person, but I do not believe that he speaks fluent Gibberish. Oh well, that would be pretty cool. Scottie is really Lulu's little brother, but Scottie is really like twelve years old. And Lulu is more like fourteen now, but that's all okay. Hollis is also based off of my cousin, Hollis. Let's see, what else? Steve is based off of my cousin Dean. Mike would definitely be based off of my cousin Tony J. Well, just Tony really, but I think he should be in the Mafia, so I call him Tony J. any way... Was this one kind of sad? I don't know what sad is anymore. Oh well, the next one will be sad, I promise. This one was just kind of pathetic because I have been on this 'Erin' kick recently and I have been trying to force the 'Adrienne' out of me. Hasn't worked too well, but Adrienne will be on full blast tomorrow. I would just like to warn you, I haven't yet used 'full blast Adrienne'. She is very harsh so don't be surprised if there is some swearing and some yelling. You see when I write depressing, it really is 'Loki', and I hate to say it. 'Adrienne' is just cruel and likes to kill people. Don't think I'm strange or anything, I just have a lot of free time. I'm on vacation this week and I expect to finish this story!!! My first finished story baby! OH YEAH! So... um, keep checking it because I only see about three more chapters at the most. Besides, I'm listening to Evanescence, so expect angst! –Lei ^_~ 


	16. The Rain Comes Again

*******  
  
This morning when I woke up it was still raining, if not harder than it had been the yesterday; Lulu was right. I lay in my bed for what seemed like an hour; really it was only ten minutes. My mom came into my room and told me to get ready. It was already ten o'clock and the funeral started in an hour. I guess I had slept in a little bit.  
  
I slowly slinked out of my bed and slipped on my purple slippers. It was a little chilly, so I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I walked over to my closet and picked out a long black skirt that went down a little passed my knees. I also grabbed a black tank top and a pair of black flip-flops. Sure it was supposed to be formal, but what's more formal than comfort, right? I gathered my clothes and went to take a shower. After I was done it was around ten thirty. I headed downstairs. My house seemed eerily dark so I flipped on a light in the kitchen and sat down at the counter.  
  
-Are you hungry? My mom asked as she turned around from preparing some kind of platter. I shook my head. I was in a gloomy mood and I didn't much prefer eating when in gloomy moods. –You really should have something to eat. I haven't seen you eat much of anything for the passed three days. I'm beginning to worry.  
  
-I'm fine; I had a sandwich last night. I assured. Sure, I took three bites of it and gave the rest to Sora, but she didn't need to know that. She sighed loudly and swerved the stool top around and looked outside. It seemed like early nighttime. It was so dark, and the sky was so full of gray and black clouds that you couldn't even see it. The ocean was restless and didn't hold its usual bright blue colour. Instead, it was more like a colourless ocean of gray. It was so depressing.  
  
I sat there for about fifteen minutes. Waiting to leave, or do something else. –How long is it going to last? I questioned as I turned my stool back around to face my mom. She seemed to be done, but was still frantically looking threw things.  
  
-Well, if we leave right now we can get there on time. The church service should end around twelve, and then the actual funeral will end around two o'clock. Of course that just depends on how long you want to stay there afterwards. I'm just telling you Kairi, I'll wait for you in the car, but I don't want you catching a cold. It's pretty chilly out so I advise you wear a coat. Knowing you you'll want to sit at the grave forever. I nodded, to the coat thing at least. I stood up and walked over to the closet. I pulled out a long black jacket type thing. Whatever you'd call it, I don't know, a trench coat? Whatever. I put that on and sat down on the couch. I picked my camera up off of the coffee table and slipped that into my pocket as well. –Sora's mom is going to pick you up, okay? There are some things that I have to do first, so I might be a few minutes late. Said my mother as she kneeled down behind the counter and scurried through a cabinet. I sighed.  
  
The door suddenly swung open and there was Sora, dripping wet already.  
  
-You all ready? He questioned turning to me. I slowly nodded and stood up.  
  
-Oh Kairi, I'd give you an umbrella or something, but I don't think we have any. Said my mom as she stood back up again.  
  
-That's okay, I've got one, said Sora. Well that's wonderful Sora, why didn't you use it?  
  
-Bye, I said monotonously as I walked out the door. I followed Sora as he ran to the car and opened up the door for me. I quickly threw myself inside and sat down as Sora hunched himself over and carefully sat down.  
  
-Hi Kairi, how are you today? Sora's mom questioned cheerfully. She was always so cheerful.  
  
-I'm, fine...? I said lightly as she began backing out of the driveway and slowly cruised down the street. I leaned my head up against the window and watched as the rain fogged everything. Skewing the world and blurring my vision. I couldn't see clearly, and that's exactly how I felt on the inside. It's like the world just took all of my feelings and turned them into life. It was bizarre.  
  
It took about ten minutes to get to the church. Of course, I never go to church, but there are only so many churches on Destiny Island, so I pretty much knew where we were going.  
  
Churches always make me sad. I mean, it's kind of where everything begins, and then, it's where everything ends. I'm not very religious and I don't really know what I believe in, but whenever I am at a church, it makes me think. It makes me feel like I'm not alone, in a good way though, I think. It's almost like, even though you don't believe in god, when you're in a church, it's like you start to believe in something. I'm not quite sure what it is though.  
  
We got out of the car and ran to the entrance. Thankfully the doors were side open and Sora's mom had dropped us off at the curb. I remember being here once, When Sora's dad died I think. It looked familiar. The colossal ceiling, the massive pipe organ, the rows of pews that stretched out for at least twenty yards in length. Even with the floor-to-ceiling cathedral windows it was still very dark. There were at least fifty candles lit, one at each pew, and many in the front. There was a small set-up in the front center area. There were all the flowers from yesterday decoratively draping over and around a small table. Candles, again, everywhere. I stepped up to the front and saw that on the front table there was that same picture of Riku that I had taken a few years ago and that picture that Selphie had taken last Friday that I still couldn't bear to look at. Instead, I looked up at the ceiling and sat down in the front pew. I didn't want to speak, there was something about being quiet in a church that seemed right. Sora was staring at the floor.  
  
After a few minutes the first ten pews, at least, seemed to be filled. Everyone that had gone to the funeral home yesterday was here. Riku's whole family and then some that I had never seen before. There were a few teachers here and some students that I knew didn't even hang out with Riku. Selphie and Tidus showed up. The two of them sat in the row behind me. I sat next to Riku's mom and Sora. On Sora's other side was his mom and then my mom. To my right after Riku's mom were Riku's grandparents. I could hear the mindless chatter of everyone, discussing how 'pretty' it was. I almost became angry. I don't why, but I suddenly felt so mad at the world that I had to leave. I wanted to just stand up and walk out. I wanted to punch someone, I wanted to scream. I wanted to take those damn pictures of Riku and throw them on the floor. Because he wasn't gone, he hadn't died. I wanted to, but I didn't, I couldn't.  
  
A silenced hush formed across the room as I felt it grow uncomfortably quiet. A minister walked up to a podium that stood right behind the display. He cleared his throat and then spoke. His voice filled the entire room, sending a noticeable chill down my spine. The minister introduced and began to discuss why we are all here and the kind of feelings that we probably felt. I wanted to puke. All this crap about god and heaven made me want to scream. Riku had once told me that he didn't believe in any of it, and it made want to cry because they were talking about him like he was some kind of religious saint. He didn't believe in god and he didn't believe in heaven. He had once told me that religion was just a stupid pun to make people feel important. The minister went on for about thirty minutes about how we shouldn't feel guilty, and that it was no ones fault he died. Let's see how much of a lie that was, I could blame a few people: his dad for beating him, his mom for not warning him, me for not making sure he was okay, and everything else. It was everyone's fault. I hated to world for letting him go, for taking him so quickly. I hated God for doing this to him. I hated fate for not being fair, because this was so far from fair it wasn't even just unfair anymore.  
  
The minister stopped talking and everyone clapped. I didn't. Instead, I became so overwhelmed with anger I began to cry. Sora patted my left hand lightly. I quickly pulled it away. He wasn't allowed tot ouch my left hand, only Riku was. I couldn't help but think that I was acting a little selfish and a little stubborn, but I didn't care. Sora looked at me funny and I just turned away. Riku's mom nudged me gently in the arm. Right now? But I am obviously in deep distress, I would probably go off on a spew that I would definitely regret tomorrow.  
  
-Go on Kairi, Riku's mom whispered lightly in my ear. I sighed heavily and slowly arose to my feet. I walked out to the other side of the podium and smiled at the minister. That's it Kairi, just pretend to be nice. You are sweet, like a butterfly or something. I cleared my throat silently and thought about what to say.  
  
-Um... We all know Riku, we know who he was, what he did. We know that he played soccer and that he took French. We all know that he was very strong and high willed. But I think I knew a side of Riku that no one else would even guess was there. He had a side to him that was so weak and so gentle that you couldn't even imagine. I paused, yeah I was crying, but it was silent tears thank goodness. –Riku was part of me and when he died, part of me died with him. I think we can all add to that. Riku was always there for everyone, he seemed to be perfect. His perfect hair, his perfect body. But I know for a fact that he wasn't perfect, not even close. I paused again, I still couldn't describe it, but I knew he wasn't perfect. –He taught me how to live; and he showed me what love was. I'm just thankful that I got a chance to know him, and I was lucky enough to be able to break him down, to get through to him. Not many people can say they've done that. I think we are all going to miss him a lot. And if I can ever be even a quarter of what he was I'll consider myself lucky. Hell, I'll consider myself lucky if I ever get a chance to live again. I think that all of us can honestly say that life is just not going to be the same with out him. I'll say if I learn to live with his absence before I die then my life might have a chance of meaning something. I wish that all of you had gotten a chance to know him as well as I did, because there was so much more to him than just his surface. There was so much more. My voice trailed off as I looked down a little. –And, um, he'll always be in our hearts. I finished as I stepped down and walked back to my seat. I saw that Riku's mom was crying and so were a bunch of other people.  
  
-Good job Kairi, Riku's mom whispered to me as I sat back down. I nodded slowly and wiped the tears from my face. The minister walked back up to the podium.  
  
-Um, lets all say a prayer for Riku's family and friends. I sighed and followed as everyone bent forward, crossed their hands together, and closed their eyes. I didn't need to pray I just sat there. After a few moments the minister began to speak again. –Now we can take a quick gathering in the room to your right for some food. He smiled gaily. I watched as people began to stand up and walk over to the door on the right side of the room.  
  
-Kairi? Sora questioned when I didn't move. I closed my eyes for a quick second, then stood up and followed the crowd into a big room with a long table set up in the back. The table was filled with food and stuff that looked like food, but probably wasn't edible at all. I sat down in a random chair, strategically chosen with the only fact that it was simply closest to the door. Anyway... I sat down and looked at my feet. Then I looked up at the people in the room, traipsing merrily about eating and talking and having a good time. Why couldn't I be happy? Even Riku's mom was smiling. I looked over to my right. Sora was sitting in a chair next to me.  
  
-Do you... what something? I could go get you something... said Sora almost nervously. He fidgeted with his hands and then stood up before I got a chance to answer his question. He walked over to the table and grabbed a bunch of things and put them on the biggest plate he could find. If he isn't careful he's going to get fat. I watched as he walked back over here and sat down again. He handed me a Styrofoam cup and put the plate in his lap. Maybe he was just one of those people who ate to forget their problems. Or maybe he was just hungry Kairi, did you ever consider that? I sighed loudly as I ran my fingers around the cup, watching little ripples form in the liquid substance inside as my hands shook slightly. Was I cold? Nervous? What was my problem...?  
  
I watched as Sora shoveled food into his mouth. –Want some? He questioned as I shook my head. –Come on, you have to eat something Kairi... He insisted. No I didn't, I was perfectly fine without food. Sora sighed when I didn't answer. I looked down at the floor, the stupid, white tiled floor. I hated the floor, I wanted to smash it. What has gotten into me?  
  
A pair of tan sandals came into my view and I slowly faced my head upward to find a chipper happy wagon of Selphie and Tidus floating over me. I wanted to inch backwards but the chair was already parallel with the wall.  
  
-Howdy there cowgirl, you okay? Selphie questioned as she gave me one quick, full mouth smile then sat down next to me. What has gotten her all worked up? It's a skukking funeral; you're supposed to be sad!  
  
-Do you think I'm okay? I questioned honestly, but kind of coldly. Selphie's smile vanished in a blink and she looked almost shocked. I sighed roughly and looked down. –I'm sorry Selph; I'm just kind of irritated today. Her smile resurfaced.  
  
-No worries Kai. Look, if you need to talk about anything you know where to find me. Just find Tidus, and you'll find me, okies? I nodded slowly; she really did have the strangest vocabulary. –Really, Kairi, don't think I'm not sad, I loved Riku... It's just; I really don't think he liked me that much... sighed Selphie. This is true, he hated her. I nodded slowly.  
  
-It's fine Selphie... I said almost honestly. I looked into my drink again, trying to figure out what it was.  
  
-Okay, well... eat something... said Selphie as she stood up. What was it with everyone telling me to eat something? I wasn't anorexic, I just wasn't hungry. It's not like my ribs were protruding out of my stomach and I knew that my skin wasn't a ghostly shade gray. I was fine physically wasn't I? I looked at my arm, no I couldn't see my bones or veins through my skin, I think I am fine. I sighed loudly.  
  
After about ten minutes the minister came into the room and walked over to Riku's mom and whispered something in her ear. She nodded slowly and set her food down on the table.  
  
-Okay everyone, um, if you can all just grab your coats and umbrellas and follow me. The outside ceremony is ready. She said almost sadly. Everyone went outside to their cars. The cemetery was only a few blocks away, but on a day like this one, I don't think we'd be walking. I went alone with my mom. She gave me a handful of flowers in the car on the way. I sat in the back seat and played with them. They were lilies, I had told her to get lilies. When we got there, a three-minute car ride, I got out and walked over to Sora. He had told me that he would let me share his umbrella with him. I followed everyone as they walked in a torrent through the large metal gates and down a small-pebbled path. We stopped at a secluded area deep in the back underneath a large willow tree that had to have been hundreds of years old. Underneath it the grass was practically dry. I didn't listen as people talked about his life and all the great things that he accomplished. I didn't care because I had heard these stories a million times before. Instead I watched as the small raindrops dipped off of the umbrella. I also noticed that the party had been almost cut in half. That now only direct family members were here, well, plus Sora, Tidus, Selphie, and I; And my mom and Sora's mom.  
  
I looked over to the street, cars racing passed without a care. The rest of the world was completely oblivious to this life. It was so funny how such a major event only affects a very limited amount of people. It's simply overwhelming how a life can end so quickly and every other life just goes on like nothing had happened. I felt a tear stream down my face and I wanted to run away.  
  
A car stopped at the curb and I watched as a man in a suit stepped out. I watched also as he walked up closer to us. He stopped next to Sora and I looked up at Sora's face. He had noticed this as well, but he looked kind of threatened. I knew who it was; I knew that this man was Riku's dad. I found a sudden anger surge through me. I wanted so much to just punch him for being here. I wanted to kill him for killing Riku. Ugh, I just wanted to go home.  
  
After a few people said their public goodbyes a bunch of people threw flowers into the grave and watched as they buried the coffin. Well, I didn't watch, I looked up at the sky, as it grew ever darker. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking that maybe I'll wake up. I've been thinking that too often lately. I should know by know that it's not a dream. I know, but I can still believe in a lie if it makes me feel better.  
  
I was snapped back to reality as people began to walk away. I watched as sadness washed over everyone's faces. My mom walked away.  
  
-We're all going back to the church for a little while. I'll wait for you there. She told me as I nodded slowly. I watched as Sora's mom slipped him a ring of keys.  
  
-I trust you, okay? She said lightly to Sora. He nodded and she gave him a quick smile and followed my mom to her car. Sora put the keys in his pocket and watched them drive away as I did.  
  
-Try not to catch a cold... said Riku's mom to me lightly as she walked away. I watched as his dad tried to catch her attention but she just passed him by, not even trying to acknowledge his presence. For a second I felt our gaze match and glared at him. I glared at him so hard I almost got a headache. That's when he turned away and walked down the path.  
  
I turned my gaze to the tombstone. It sat perfectly dry underneath the tree. I stepped closer and kneeled down. Sora stood over me, umbrella in hand. I set the flowers down carefully, taking off the plastic that kept them together. It was bad for the environment. I closed my eyes for a few moments.  
  
-Kairi? Sora questioned as he kneeled down next to me. I grabbed his hand tightly and I could feel him squeeze back. I didn't want to talk right now, knowing that I would somehow say the wrong thing and turn it into an argument. I just wanted to let go, I wanted to forget. –You can't stay here forever, said Sora weakly.  
  
-Yes I can... I replied in a whisper. I felt him stand up, but I let go of his hand before he pulled me to my feet as well.  
  
-I can't wait for you forever, said Sora. My eyes were still closed tightly and my hands were trembling over the flowers that I hadn't fully let go of yet.  
  
-Then leave, I said in a completely hushed tone.  
  
-Kairi... You're being stubborn, said Sora.  
  
-Can I help it? Is it my fault that I want him to come back so badly that I would sit here until I die?  
  
-Yes...  
  
I sighed and closed my eyes even tighter. Maybe it was my fault, but I still couldn't help it... much.  
  
-You're living a lie Kairi, just open up your eyes! He's gone and he's not coming back. And I'm not just going to stand here and watch you die too! Sora exclaimed. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. I could tell that he was trying to hold back tears. –I've already lost one of my best friends, and I can't help but feel that I am slowly loosing you too, he said so weakly that I heard his voice break. –I can't think clearly anymore Kairi, and I'm sorry. I know I told you that I would be strong for you... but to tell you the truth, I'm not strong at all. I can't handle it anymore... I just can't... I stood up slowly and took his hand. I watched as a tear streamed down him face. I stared into his eyes, trying to figure him out.  
  
-You don't have to be strong for Sora...  
  
-Yes I do! I know what Riku meant to you... I know that you're in so much pain that I can't possibly imagine what you're going through. But that's all in your head Kairi. Seriously. I think I know what it feels like to loose someone that was part of you, he said as his voice became firm with a noticeable edge of uncontrolled sadness in it. I think he meant his dad... but I wasn't sure.  
  
-How do you understand? I questioned in an aggressive whisper.  
  
-You Kairi, I've lost you.  
  
My heart stopped. No, that wasn't true. I wasn't... lost? Oh my god. The reality of his words hit me so hard I felt like I was about to fall over. I forgot how to breath. He had lost me, he was right. I was so consumed in Riku, so lost that I forgot who I was. I loved Sora, I thought I knew that, but I had forgotten. After everything we had talked about, I had lied to him. I was living a lie, a stupid lie that was eating at me from the inside out.  
  
-Sora... I'm sorry... I whispered as I looked away from him. We were both silent for a few moments. He jumped up onto a low rising branch and I watched as he began to cry uncontrollably now. What had I done... I had killed it, everything that we had. It was my entire fault, and I knew it, everyone knew it. I climbed up and sat next to him, wrapping my arms around him and rocking him back and fourth. Maybe it was me that had to be strong for Sora. I had lost Riku, but Sora still loved me, he still believed in me, I still had him completely. Sora had lost Riku, his best friend, and with him, he lost me as well. I had bounded my soul to Riku; I had given myself to him. I had forgotten Sora, I had broken his heart and I knew that it would take a miracle to heal it again.  
  
-Don't blame yourself. If I were the one that died instead of him, then everything would be perfect. There is no damn place for me in this world and you know it.  
  
-Sora... I love you... There will always be a place for you in my heart, always.  
  
-Just not right now, right?  
  
-No Sora... Right now, you're there. I love you forever and not even fate can change that. It's just, I needed to you to open up my eyes and make me realize that.  
  
-You don't need me... he said weakly.  
  
-I damn well need you Sora, damn well, and you know that. Riku would have wanted it this way... remember? All he ever wanted was for you and me to be happy. He would give up his life just to see me smile. I'll tell you Sora, I can't not smile when I'm with you. I insisted. I looked up at the sky and watched as the clouds moved to the east. I could have sworn I saw a spot of light blue. The rain melted in the air and turned into a gentle mist. Sora closed the umbrella and jumped off the tree. I watched as he stood over Riku's grave.  
  
-Damn him, for thinking of everyone else before himself. I jumped off of the tree and grabbed his right hand with my left one. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I laced my fingers through his. I looked up at Sora and he looked down at me. I smiled sadly as I looked into his overflowing eyes. I felt his pain tear at my heart. I turned around and began leading Sora down the path. I only looked back once as the small granite tombstone grew further out of sight. I smiled and looked ahead. It was almost like at that very moment I was letting go. I was finally giving into him and saying goodbye. 


	17. Starting Forever over Again

(A/N) I know... the swearing... But I can't help it... BLAME ADRIENNE!!!  
  
*******  
  
We got into the car and Sora began driving. We passed the church, and I almost thought that he had forgotten to stop, but no, he did it purposely. He drove down a familiar road and stopped in a sandy area on the side of the street. He got out of the car and I followed him. He grabbed my hand and led me down to the dock. He swiftly untied the rowboat and jumped in it. I followed him as he began rowing. We rowed over to the island and he didn't even bother tying up the boat when we got there, he just dragged it onto the shore and began walking along the beach. He just kept walking, silently going nowhere.  
  
-Sora...? I questioned as I fell behind. He stopped and I stopped too. I stared at his back, waiting to see what he was going to do. He turned around and looked at me, deep into my eyes, and you know what he did? He started laughing. My eyes grew wide in confusion. What the hell was so funny? He continued laughing as he looked up at the sky and then over at the ocean. The rain had stopped and a warm breeze met the air.  
  
-He's gone Kairi, he's really fucking gone, Sora laughed. I think he's going hysterical. –Don't you get it? He's just gone! Sora shouted. He laughed a little more and then he turned around and began walking. He was laughing almost silently. I followed him slowly.  
  
-Sora...? I questioned again. Something inside of him must have snapped. He turned around again, right in my face. –I think you've lost it... I said lightly almost laughing myself.  
  
-No... No... he said again. He smiled now and closed his eyes. I don't know what I was thinking, but I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and felt him take my waist in his hands as he pulled me up closer to him and we kissed. We kissed for what seemed like forever, just standing there lost inside of each other. I was in love with him; I was so much in love with him that the feeling was so normal, I had forgotten. I had simply forgotten, but it was all back now, hitting me so hard that I almost fell over. I could feel my legs almost collapse under the pressure. We both pulled away and I looked into his eyes. A smile stretched across his face and he looked up, over my head and laughed again. Then he took me in his arms, pulling me so close to him that I almost couldn't breath. I held on to him tightly, cutting off my own circulation by holding my arms so close together. –I've found it Kairi... he whispered in my ear. I smiled and I never wanted to let go of him, I don't think I'd be able to. He tried pulling away but I grabbed him and kissed him again. It felt so good, just to know that I had Sora completely; I knew that he would never leave me. It had always been Sora, ever since the beginning, it had always been him. I knew that even though I loved Riku endlessly, that he was gone. His memory is all that I have, and I can live with that. I can live with just Sora, because I still had Riku. I will always have Riku, even though Riku doesn't have me. He can't have me, because he knew that Sora had me. Somehow I think we've always known that. This is how I think it was always going to turn out, and I think Riku knew that. That was the reason Riku resented Sora so much, because he knew that he was going to end up with me. But he didn't get the short straw; this is all he ever wanted... right? He has my happiness, and he has the freedom from the life that he was so much better than; He deserved so much better than all of this. He deserved better than me.  
  
What was this feeling that was flowing through my every thought? It was so bizarre, I can't even think of how to begin describing it. It was kind if like the simplicity of starting over, only this time, I knew that it would last. Nothing could go wrong because everything was just too perfect. And I didn't feel guilty, that was the weird part. I mean, Riku gave up his life, he gave up me, just so I could be happy... now why didn't I feel just a little bit guilty? I thanked god, I thanked fate, whatever the hell did this... I thanked Riku. I wanted to cry and fall down. No... I just wanted Sora, that was all I ever wanted. I wanted this feeling, and I had it. I had everything. So this was just like the perfect moment in my life that canceled out every other perfect moment, because they really weren't perfect... I didn't know what perfect was then. But right now, I didn't want anything. I was so completely satisfied with everything that there was nothing I wanted, nothing I needed. There was nothing in the world that I didn't have... nothing more to say.  
  
-I love you Sora, I whispered.  
  
-I know Kairi... for once, I know it, he replied. I felt him begin to move forward and I tried to stop him.  
  
-I don't want to go, I said lightly as I stopped moving and looked him straight in the eye. –Please... let's run away, just the two of us.  
  
-We have nowhere to go...  
  
-That's the whole point; I wavered.  
  
-We can't just leave... he exclaimed.  
  
-Why not? I questioned.  
  
-We have to go back Kairi... what, they'll think we got abducted or something, Sora laughed. –Now come on, he insisted as he tried moving ahead, but I challenged his stare and stopped again. Sora sighed and lifted me up in his arms.  
  
-Hey... Now that's not fair! Put me down! I exclaimed.  
  
-No, he responded as he carried me across the beach.  
  
-Awe... Put me down! I shouted. He set me down and I followed him back to the car. We drove back to his house to find that everyone had gone there after the church. I spent the rest of the night in happy company. I even realized that I was quite hungry and had 'some' food. This was it, the end was over... I was free.  
  
***  
  
This time the toughest chapter in my life was ended for sure, I could really feel it. And I was right. I healed, I let go, it was tough and it killed me, but I said goodbye. The memories of him can't leave; I don't know how to let them go. Sometimes I'll cry, sometimes I'll get mad, but then everything just fades when Sora's there. He helped me silently, he was solely mine and I knew it.  
  
Riku was always there, in the sky, the ocean, the wind. All I had to do was close my eyes and there he was. The sound of his voice and the feeling of his hand in mine, that was all there.  
  
Sometimes fate has its tricky ways of teaching us and even though it seems like it gets carried away sometimes, the end knows best. Everything will ultimately become clear. Every foggy day subsides, every rainstorm passes eventually. Time will always be there, time is what allows us to heal and to let go. A new day will come and the sun will always rise again. Just because you've lost touch with yourself and your life has been completely shattered before you that doesn't mean miracles don't exist, that doesn't mean that you should give up hope and lose your faith. Just take a moment to look up at the sky and breath. Happiness is the one thing in life you need to hold on to. Once you've got it, never let go, because happiness is what causes us to think, it's what makes us believe, it allows us to live again, to move on.  
  
I think that I found the miracle that I had been searching for. What I didn't realize was that it was right there in front of me the entire time. I was just too blind to see it, too numb to feel it. I was so caught up in my own pathetic feelings to realize that I was letting my entire life just pass me by and I paid the ultimate price for missing it. But I knew that Riku forgave me, I knew that this was what he wanted.  
  
All I ever truly wanted was to find myself, because that was really what I had been searching for this whole time. But by finding Sora, I had found myself, because he had me, he had always had me. It wasn't Riku after all. I was finally home and I had finally forgiven fate. I no longer had a reason to be angry at life.  
  
I promised Riku that I would love him forever, and I will never let go of that promise. But I can't help but wish for that extra day, just one more night, to say goodbye.  
  
*******  
  
(A/N) OMG *tear* WAHHHHHH! IT'S OVER!!! I think I'm going to die... Please don't kill me. No, that last chapter was not just a stupid pun to just get it over and done with, I sincerely felt that. I'd just like to say, I have no idea which part of me was out the day I wrote this... It definitely wasn't Erin, and it wasn't Adrienne, nor was it Dicey... hmmm, I suppose it was Loki. But I have never had Loki write anything before... Odd, she's just usually my disclaimer girl and the person who leave reviews... But never has she written before!!! That's cool! Let's all give a hand to Loki *applause*. Well, I really hope that you enjoyed this story. I would like to know just one thing though... which story to finish next? Please review me with an answer because I have no idea which one you guys want me to finish. I'm pretty sure that you'll say that one that I left on that horrible cliffhanger... Oh well... I think I want to finish 'Till Death do us part'... after all, that was the one that I started first. But of course, if I ever finish that, I'll be far too sad because it was my first ever... my wittle baby... Oh well. I'll miss author noting you guys, even though you never read them. I think it's very important for the author to get in touch with the reader on a different level then just... I donno... writing. Have fun wit life okies? - *always* Lei ^_~ 


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